Want to be Internet famous?

Want to be talked about by people on Twitter?

Want to have your stuff shared on Facebook?

Want to have so much traffic to your blog/ website that it crashes?

Want to generate so many comments, you give up trying to read them all?

Easy. Just do one or all of the following.

1. Write about *breastfeeding versus formula feeding. Don’t worry about writing intelligently, or with facts to back up your statements. Bonus: write like you’re a cold-hearted, snobbish bitch.

2. Write about leaving your newborn behind so you can *go swan around in Mexico. Bonus: write like you are a cold-hearted, snobbish bitch.

3. Write any drivel to fuel the so-called Mommy Wars. Take your pick – sleep training, attachment parenting, blah blah blah.

4. Post a video of your child doing something stupid/ shocking. The more it shows off your terrible parenting skills, the better.

5. Criticize someone else’s parenting decisions. Don’t back up your blanket statements with facts. Or do, by referencing some vague study and interpret the results any way you see fit and be blatantly wrong anyway.

OR. You could do these things instead.

1. Be super duper awesome with a great sense of humor and disarming honesty, and always write like YOU.

2. Have really mad drawing skills and the ability to tell a good story.

3. Write any post about blogging and how to make money from it.

4. Write any post about blogging about how to improve your blog, or ask why people don’t comment anymore, or about how blogging has saved your life.

5. Write a post list of ‘How To <fill in blank>.

Voila!

Thank me later.

(This post was partly inspired by a tweet by Julie (@TheMamaMash) and the conversation that followed it.

Julie tweeted: I’m all for being realistic about parenting, but it seems like some blogs are getting dangerously close to glorifying truly shitty parents.” (yeah I couldn’t figure out how to cut and paste the actual tweet, stupid Mac).

* I appreciate the irony of giving you links to such drivel, to drive even more traffic to what I consider to be badly written, terribly judgmental posts. But, you’ll ask anyway, so this saves me emailing it to you later. I’m all about efficiency. Also? Read the comments on the posts. They’re BETTER than the original post.

** Before I get angry comments, note that this post was written with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

 Any more tips on how to get your blog to go viral?