The Comparison Trap

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“What? He’s rolling already? When did he start doing that?”

At 3 months, 10 days. But he only started doing it on one side!

“He’s sitting up? My baby just….lies there.”

Eh, she’s a month younger, don’t stress it.

“How is it that he’s 5 months old and he can stand?”

He’s not actually ‘standing’, he’s supported by the couch.

“Eh, he’s standing. Mine doesn’t even do the tripod sitting up thing yet.”

Don’t worry, he’ll be sitting soon. 

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I’ve been posting pictures of Scrumplet doing things that seem beyond his age.

5 month old baby standing

Scrumplet, just over 5 months old, standing supported by the arm of the couch, stealing tissues.

(this picture was shared on my Facebook page – come like it for more beyond-the-blog goodness!)

No, I’m not showing off. I just want to share his chubby thighs for the world to see.

It’s also my way of documenting his baby years.

But by doing so, I’ve opened my baby up to the comparison trap.

One that I’m oh-so-familiar with, having had my first child almost the same time as at least half a dozen of my friends.

Who weaned first, who slept through the night first, who crawled first, who walked first, who said the first word first, who said Mama first.

It wasn’t a competition. It was the opposite of competition which is worse – we were comparing our children to see how far behind ours was, thus feeling awful for a) even comparing and b) felt like we weren’t doing enough for our child if he or she wasn’t on par with his or her peers.

We mothers cannot lay on the self-guilt fast enough. We always think it’s our fault. Something we didn’t do. Something we could have done more of.

I have friends and family who became first-time mothers the same time I had my second.

They’re watching my son’s development, which yes, seems advanced for his age, and they’re worrying about their own babies.

So I am here to tell you: STOP WORRYING AND COMPARING.

Every baby is different. My own two babies are different. They develop at their own pace. They will get there eventually. By the time they are 2, or 3, they all catch up eventually.

Looking at my now nearly 3 year old, no one would have guessed he took his first steps at nearly 15 months old. 3 to 4 months later than his peers.

It didn’t matter then, it most certainly doesn’t matter now.

So friends, unless it’s a worrying developmental delay, please don’t stress. Your baby will roll over, she will sit up, she will, yes, stand, and my goodness, she will be running all over the place and climbing into cupboards before you know it.

Trust me.

Have you ever fallen into the comparison trap before?

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Tips, Ideas & Advice: Best Developmental Toys

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Welcome to another edition of Tips, Ideas & Advice!

This week, we answer a question from Mel of A Wide Line…., who asked:

What are the best developmental toys for babies/toddlers of all ages?

Here are some great ideas from some experienced mothers.

Jamie of Chosen Chaos (@chosenchaos):

Older siblings!  My girls are FASCINATED by their big brothers, sometimes to my dismay.

If the above isn’t possible, a drawer of goodies by wherever you are. In the kitchen I have a baby drawer that holds lots of ‘stuff’ they can pull out, chew on, shake (tupperware filled with beans), throw, etc.  Makes a huge mess and brings lots of laughs and exploration.

Lastly,experiences and other people – I always always underestimate the power of others, they are learning always from other people.

So, no ‘things’ but what works for me!

Leighann of Multitasking Mumma (@multitaskmumma):

I think that anything your child shows interest in is a good tool for development. Usually TV and electronics are not necessary. Things that promote creativity, the use of motor skills, independence, and sensory are all good.

Toys do not have to be expensive. For example I just wrote about craft balls and how my daughter loves playing with them. They are a great sensory item and she can sort them, play with them and learn the colours.

Sue of Cookie’s Chronicles (@SJM_CookiesMom):

My view of this is that the best toys are the ones that stimulate the child to explore and learn. I prefer toys that allow for imagination over toys that only do one thing or do all the work for the child. Blocks are good – soft ones for babies and stackable blocks for toddlers. I have a set of foam blocks of different sizes and shapes that are always a big hit.

Things that stimulate the senses are great for babies: visual stimulation comes from bold blacks and whites and, later on, bright colours; toys with different textures are great for oral and tactile stimulation.

There’s no need to buy expensive toys to give babies and toddlers everything they need to learn and grow. Buy second hand toys, or make your own! A box filled with items of different sizes, colours and textures can be a lot of fun to explore. I have always had hanging pockets and baskets around the house filled with interesting toys and ‘non-toys’ for Jack to play with. I like to change up the contents of these containers from time to time. He loves these surprises.

Of course, one of the best things for babies and toddlers are books. I have quite a few children’s book recommendations on my book blog.

Deirdre of JDaniel4′s Mom (@JDaniel4sMom):

JDaniel’s favorite was cardboard boxes as a toddler. He loved to build, climb into and writie on them.

Jackie of With Just A Bit Of Magic (@JackieCross):

Books! Half the time my kids didn’t pay attention but I kept on reading because I know that that more I read to them the better off they’d be as far as language skills & reading later on.

Touch & feel books – Andrew likes these and there one of the few books that he’ll sit down with me. There are all sorts of things in his tractor book to feel like tires, bales of hay, and things like that.

Puzzles – I have a couple of the Melissa & Doug wooden ones where you just place the pegged piece back in it’s space (all the spaces are the same) but Andrew has fun with it and mixes and matches up the animals.

Anything that you can sort, stack, or put back like a square in the square hole, etc.

Mirrors – this was the only way we could get Andrew to do tummy time. I bought a baby mirror and would put it where he could look down and see himself.

RoryBore of Time Out For Mom (@RoryBore):

It may be surprising, but one of the items that all my kids have not only loved, but learned from without fail:  good old fashioned Flash Cards! I know; it sounds so basic and boring compared with all the musical and light up offerings out there, but perhaps that is why they work. I have an assortment of flash cards for various stages of development – colourful pictures, letters, numbers, shapes, right to words and math. I have never been the type to “push” the cards, they are simply there amongst all the other stuff, and during our play time, they will eventually gravitate towards them.

Another thing I urge parents to consider, often toys that are not necessarily labelled as “Developmental” can be used as such.  For example, my son had some difficulty with fine motor skills as an infant/toddler.  Nothing really extreme, but something we did need to work on. The answer? His Thomas trains. Pushing those little wooden engines along the track, under bridges, through tunnels, and over hills really helped! By the time he started school, there was no difficulty holding the pencil.

Rach of Life Ever Since (@donutsmama):

I would say shape sorters are good for them.  Stacking rings, anything that makes them think.  We often will take an empty tissue box (cheap toys!) and put toys in it.  Donut likes to examine the box and then try to pull out the toys.  She’ll put them back in too to see how it works.  But my number one tip is to read, read, read.  When they’re little, you can read whatever you’re reading to them–books, magazines, blogs!  Read lots of rhyming stories too.  It’s so important for them to hear language.

Aubrey of Way Too Much Aubrey (@toomuchaubrey):

My baby turns two this month and he can already identify every letter of the alphabet with perfect accuracy. I never taught him a single letter, he just watches the Leap Frog video “Letter Factory” and plays with the Leap Frog Radio toy my sister gave us. I “taught” my older son the same way when he was two; it’s really amazing how quickly they learn it and how little effort on my part it required!

Germaine of Kiddothings (@kiddothings):

I like  ’evergreen’ kind of toys such as:

Balls – great for motor development. Kids learn how to kick, throw, roll and catch from playing with a ball.
Wooden blocks – kids learn how to stack, arrange and build. The ones with alphabets and numbers on them can be used as a teaching tool.
Cardboard bricks – My son loves building ‘forts’, ‘castles’ and ‘houses’ out of them and my 2 year old daughter loves to tumble them down.
Construction and tool sets – look for age appropriate sets. We have Mega Bloks, Lego and a Junior Engineer set that my son simply adores playing with.
Musical instruments – all kids love music and they’ll love it even more when they can make it. We have those wooden toy instruments that include drums, bells, maracas and the xylophone.

Angela of Tiaras and Trucks (@tiaras_trucks):

Lacing Beads in a Box (Melissa and Doug toys) were great for working on fine motor skills.  As Abbey got better with those, we moved onto pipe cleaners and smaller beads to make bracelets and necklaces.

Dylan loves the Imaginarium stacking train right now, as he is a little obsessed with trains.

Abbey is also getting really into Memory (the game).

Kristin of What She Said (@SaidKristin):

I recommend knob puzzles. It took a while, but Lil’ Bit is finally getting into hers (and getting really good at them!). We have these from Lakeshore Learning, and a similar one by Melissa & Doug.

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Thank you all for contributing your wonderful tips, ideas and advice. If you don’t already, do read these ladies’ blogs and follow them on Twitter.

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A little note about this series: I’m considering putting Tips, Ideas & Advice on the backburner for a little while. Collecting and collating information is far more time consuming than writing a post, and following my post about less is more, I think shelving this series for a while might be the way to go.

I’m also realizing that following my first tips post that took off and had tons of responses to the question of the week, things have slowed down. I don’t get any new questions or many emails with tips. I do understand that people are busy and it is asking a lot. But the series can’t run without reader engagement.

So, it’s a conundrum. I love the idea, but the execution, frankly, is tedious and the lack of engagement, disheartening.

Do you think I should stop running these series? Do you enjoy reading these tips? Do you find them helpful?

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Rockin’ The Baby

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Who could resist this new linky by Shell at Things I Can’t Say?

Rockin’ the Baby follows the hugely successful Rockin’ The Bump with over 200 Mamas showing off their baby bumps! And all you have to do is link up a favorite baby picture.

I have so many pictures of my Monkey to choose from, so I’ll spare you and share with you my absolute favorites from the early days.

Chubby-cheeked goodness, 4 days old, January 1, 2010

 

“Eye” see you, 5 days old, January 2, 2010

 

The first photo of us that I love, 5 days old, January 2, 2010

 

Showing a healthy attitude, 1 week old, January 5, 2010

(I posted this before way back in April, but it’s too good not to share again!)

Do you have a favorite baby picture you want to show off? Link up now! Link is open til July 18.

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