Source: curiositiesbydickens.com via Alison on Pinterest
I felt his chest heaving, his sobs turning into big gasps as he filled his lungs again with air, after five solid minutes of crying.
Then he giggled as a baby does, loud and without inhibitions (and makes you curl your toes, it’s just so cute), as he watched his brother wave a blanket around. Encouraged, the first piece of my heart waved the blanket even more furiously, each move making his little brother laugh even more.
In that moment, I felt happiness, tinged with a little sadness.
Because I think about how all children are intrinsically good and kind and loving, and somewhere along the way as they grow up, whether by circumstances or genetics, I don’t know, that goodness gets sucked out of some of these boys and girls.
This world is a harsh one, it’s big and it’s bad, and we need to steel ourselves to embrace it, be part of it and come out of it unscathed.
In order to do so, yes, sometimes, we have to be a bitch <or insert your favorite term here>.
However, and I truly believe this, essentially, we can still be good. We can still be kind.
But whether by circumstance or genetics, some are not. They let their goodness get sucked out. Little by little, day by day.
On the surface, they appear to be good people. They have families (like us), friends (like us), are part of a community (like us), have hobbies and interests and carry on with life (like us).
And these ‘good’ people, they let us into their lives, like we let them into ours. We become friends, we tell other people about them and say, how awesome are they!
Sometimes, we even take good friends further. We take these good people into our confidences, our arms, our innermost thoughts, our hearts.
Lulled into all this goodness, we are then systematically taken for a ride by our ‘good’ people. Yet, we still want to believe, but there is good in you, I know that!
And finally, we get hurt. By the same good people we thought were intrinsically good. They appear to be, so how can they not be?
Alas, this world is harsh, big and bad, and we just got kicked in the gut.
And so, we retreat and we stay our distance from these on-the-surface-good people, and wonder why our hearts hurt so much.
We start to question whether anyone is intrinsically good anymore. And we wonder if we even deserve such goodness.
Then the Universe shows us that yes, there are still some good eggs out there.
The ones who reach out to you when you need it most. The ones who see past the forced smiles and the tired eyes. The ones who read between the lines. The ones who hold you up, not put you down.
They offer you an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and maybe even a glass of wine and some red velvet cupcakes.
They ask, “How are you?” and they really mean it.
They open their arms and say, come here, and you collapse in a heap, folding yourself into them, feeling their love and knowing, knowing that thank goodness, there is intrinsic goodness still.
I have some wonderful online friends who I know with every fibre of my being, that they are intrinsically good, and I thank the world for them every day. I hope you know who you are and how much I love you.
This post is for my beautiful friend with a heart of gold and the prettiest dresses, Tracy.
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Beautiful and sad and true. I think all we can do it love and appreciate the people who are genuine.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger ‘s last awesome post..It Matters
I’m holding my genuine people tightly.
Do you feel my hug?
I know that feeling, seeing the goodness in children and just wondering what happens and hoping I can help my kinds retain as much of it as possible.
xo and I’m glad you have found people with goodness in their hearts
angela ‘s last awesome post..Reviewing Love Comes Later
That is paramount to me now, ensuring the goodness in my children. Well, on top of everything else
Twitter: fromtracie
says:
I had a friend call me with a, “How are you REALLY?” this week.
It was just exactly what I needed. Genuine, loving friendships are such a blessing.
Tracie ‘s last awesome post..Blogging Boundaries – What Will You Share?
You have an amazing friend. And yes, genuine loving friendships are a blessing!
Twitter: Cobypic
says:
Have had some great friends, but no red velvet cupcake quality friends just yet!
Recently have been fortunate to make some great friends on & offline, although they can be few and far between to find the “real.”
Happy your boys are more than brothers and friends too!
Ben ‘s last awesome post..Cobypic Is an Imperfect Experience
Isn’t the Internet awesome, that you can make some good friends online?
Oh my friend. My heart. You are so good. Do your boys know what a pure, beautiful, amazing mother they have – you know they do. You’ve really pulled me up – when honestly you did not need to.
There’s so much good in the world – so much – and you my friend. You are one of the very bestest goodest in the whole world.
Love you.
xo
tracy@sellabitmum ‘s last awesome post..5 Reasons You Should Attend Your Class Reunion
Bestest goodest is you, my dearest friend. I can’t even tell you how much your words mean to me – right here and now and in your space, and when we talk. Really. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. Love you right back. xo
Thank you for reminding me what I already have in my life…
(Sometimes we get so focused on striving for that next thing. Yes, we do.)
julie gardner ‘s last awesome post..When a Teacup Is Not a Teacup
You are good people, Julie. Naturally, you will have good people in your life. Who can resist you? xo
Yes, this is what we all hope for. Good and pure. My greatest wish for them.
A lovely post, my friend.
Natalie @MamaTrack ‘s last awesome post..A Day at Disneyworld
Thank you, Natalie.
If nothing, I hope when they grow up, people will tell me that my boys have the goodness in them. That will make me proud.
Love the Eckhart Tolle quote. And I do believe it to be true. There’s always hope. There’s always a bit of goodness. Looking at my own children, it’s something I think about often. Each one of us started out so innocent. WHAT HAPPENED? to some of us. I mean, I know about terrible things. But everybody was somebody’s baby at some point. It is a little sad. Makes me want to love and squeeze ALL THE BABIES. Great post, Alison.
Sarah @sundayspill ‘s last awesome post..the sunday spill–about buying all the jeggings
While I was writing this, I was thinking about everyone starting as babies, and what happened to them, and it made me sad. And I hope and wish and want my children to retain their goodness, always. And thank you. xo
Twitter: mamaonetothree
says:
I want to have cupcakes and wine with you! You are lovely and deserve supreme loveliness (like Tracy).
wendy @ mama one to three ‘s last awesome post..To My New Mom Self
Aw thank you Wendy! I’ll have the cupcakes and you can have the wine, since I don’t drink. Deal?
Twitter: marta28
says:
Oh I so need this and is so timely for me. I’m having a hard time believing that. I’ve always believed it. In the goodness of others, of letting people in. But I don’t know. Sometimes when you see so much ugliness its hard to find the beauty again.
Marta ‘s last awesome post..Lessons.
I know exactly what you mean, Marta. Hence the post. I WANT so badly to believe in this. And fortunately I am lucky to know a few REALLY good people. I hope you do too.
Just following your swirly thoughts… and I just wanted to pop a quick line to say… “I know”. Thanks for just saying it out loud as it is.
Serenely ‘s last awesome post..Going to bed angry
Thank you Serenely.
Twitter: Letters_of_muse
says:
Worse than ourselves getting hurt is watching it happen to our children. That’s why we try our darnedest to show our kids that Good still exists after Hurt, and hope with all our mights that they also find the Good Friends that we have found in life. Great post!
Sandra ‘s last awesome post..Dear Scabs and Scars
Yes, I worry about the hurts that my children will face. I do. But as long as they keep their goodness, and they believe in the intrinsic goodness of others, I think they’ll be okay.
Oh my, Alison. So beautiful. So true. I couldn’t have found a way to express this. And yet you have done it. I’m amazed and humbled and examining myself. How much did I let get sucked out? And how do I shore up the banks of goodness in my own little intrinsic goodness carriers? xo
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Notebooking: Our First Try
Oh Jessica. You are good people. Your children are good people. You carry on raising them the way you are, and they will be those awesome intrinsically good people that all of us strive to be and hope to find. xo
Twitter: Lollygagblog
says:
You are a lovely person and [clearly] an even lovelier friend.
Aw, thank you Keely. xo
Twitter: krrobi
says:
Beautiful.
One of your best posts, Alison Lee. I love love love. Xxxxx
My Inner Chick ‘s last awesome post..Domestic Goddess, Jennifer Livingston, & The Virgin Queen
I love when you write my full name out, Kim. And thank you. xo
I think you might be in my head right now. Scary how you nailed exactly how I feel about friends that I feel let down by. I’d be a little lost without my online friends right now.
AnnMarie ‘s last awesome post..Mom Pass-Mom Fail
I’m sorry your friends have been disappointing you. It’s so hard, isn’t it? Bless the Internet!
Twitter: FotoFriendlyMom
says:
I bet your friend, Tracy, really appreciated hearing this from you. It is good to know that there are truly warm hearted people out there who would give you their shirt on their back if it meant that you would have a shirt on yours. I think about all of the bullying that goes on in schools and in the virtual world and I’m scared to death of how it will be the day that my daughter is in her teens and experiences her first “back stab”.
We can only teach our children how to self heal and know that there are still good people left in this world and breed them to be one of them
Great post as always, Alison!
MamaCassie ‘s last awesome post..Broccoli Ham Bake Recipe
Thank you Cassie. We can only do what we do as parents to protect our children – arm them with the best tools, skills and resources to navigate this world, and hope that they do good. And that is really all that we can do.
I do, I do! I still believe in the intrinsic goodness of people. But we do lost sight somewhere along the way and sometimes actions speaks a lot more than mere words, at least to me! Now I’m a lot more selective with my friends and tell myself as long as what I give is genuine, I expect no returns, hence no disappointments from expectations. That is what I hope to teach my children.
You’re a wise one, my friend.
Twitter: marianinaromero
says:
That is so beautiful Alison!
It’s really a good feeling when some one asked you “How are you?” In their most sincere way.
Niña@Babbling Little Booties ‘s last awesome post..Baby to Kid
Thank you, Nina.
Oh my beautiful, sweet, amazing and GOOD friend…what a gorgeous post about something that I feel in my heart too..that people are good, that I can feel love and trust with many people even at the sake of beng taken advantage of or looking silly.
I let people in, I see the good before I see the bad, I will go to bat for the people I love every single time.
And you…oh you Lady Bug , are one person whom I thank god and the universe for every single day. Your heart and your friendship are treasured pieces of my life.
Wow…this post is exquisite! Xoxox
Kir ‘s last awesome post..Trifecta: Death’s Detour
You know you’re one of my good people, right?
Love you to pieces. You and your big kind sweet heart. xo
Twitter: copilotmom
says:
I do believe in there there is instrinsic goodness still. We have it as children, but like you say, sometimes something happens. I choose to see the good in people until I have reason to see otherwise. After you’ve been hurt, though, there is a tendency to be more wary and less trusting with the parts of us we hold closest. I guess that is why we treasure true friends when we find them!
Kim@Co-Pilot Mom ‘s last awesome post..Thankful
Absolutely, Kim. It’s lovely and wonderful that you see the good in people first. I have friends like that, and they’re always the good eggs!
I love it when you write from the heart Alison.
You just swept me away with your words.
This is an amazing post. It is poignant and beautiful at the same time, just like life can be..
Mirjam ‘s last awesome post..Sinking
Thank you, Mirjam.
Writing from my heart is all I want to do now.
Being true to self and all that.
Alison, thank you for these beautiful words for our dear friend. I truly believe that the good will always outshine the bad. Hugs!
Yes! I do believe that too. Especially with friends like Tracy. Love her.
I don’t know about everybody being born as a good person. I – sadly- know some people who are just evil personified.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes ‘s last awesome post..A not so very relaxing weekend
I just can’t wrap my head around evil babies, y’know?
I was just telling someone about this the other day! She’s a high school girl studying Lord of the Flies and I was saying that I think most people are naturally good, but can be weak and swayed. And some people are just good and make the rest of us feel lucky to know them!
Blond Duck ‘s last awesome post..The Chicken Dance
And I am very lucky indeed.
Twitter: amommaly
says:
I sometimes have that same thought, that same gut-wrenching and twisting surge of a thought: that “they” were babies once. That those same people who hurt or destroy or who hurt AND destroy, things or people or feelings, that yes, yes they actually came out of a vagina and grasped the fingers of their mothers and giggled at peek-a-boo.
When I think of this I feel sick, because I wonder why the good goes away. I wonder if as a mother I would see the good going away in my own child or if I would be blinded by the intensity of my own love for them.
Thank you for this post!!!
Kim@Amommaly ‘s last awesome post..4,383 Days
I would hope that we can do our best help our children hold onto their goodness. We have to believe that we can.
So true…if only people were as good as we presume them to be this world would be a better place!
Natalie ‘s last awesome post..Time is Flying By…
Indeed, Natalie!
I have had those moments in life when everything seemed so bleak, and someone popped out of the woodwork in all their goodness and turned everything into a different direction, even if it was a slight change and nothing more. It was enough.
Lady Jennie ‘s last awesome post..A Comedy of Errors
Goodness sort of makes the world go round, yes?
Twitter: KalleyC
says:
Very beautiful and honest post. There ARE good kind people out there still, and like everything in life, we will end up getting hurt along the way and shield ourselves in “armor” to protect us from the next blow. But there is always that one person who really cares about how you are, and how you are doing that just KNOWS how to get through all that.
I’m very thankful to have family and friends in my life who are like this. Just no cupcakes–I’m ginger snap kinda gal
KalleyC ‘s last awesome post..Midweek Catch-Up & Swinging On A Star
You’re a lucky girl, then!
What, no cupcakes?? *gasp*
Twitter: LauraORourke
says:
This is beautiful Alison. I too think about how good my little boys are, down to the very fibre of their being.
I think even good people can make mistakes. I think even good people can hurt others, even if they don’t mean it. I think there are more good people hurting other good people than there are bad people maliciously hurting others.
But I don’t mean to diminish your feelings. I don’t know the hurt behind this post. I hope though, that there will be a lot more good in your life and the lives of your boys.
Laura | Mommy Miracles ‘s last awesome post..Roar
You’re absolutely right, Laura. Which is why I wrote this, for the people who are behind the hurt, for them to know that there are good people out there who care about them. To give them hope that there is still good.
You and the wonderful woman you wrote this for are both GOOD people. I hope someday we can all hug at the same time.
xoxo
Elaine A. ‘s last awesome post..The Family Bed
Oh ME TOO!!
Twitter: Thefamilypants
says:
Oh boy. I know this kind of wonder. It’s so hard to allow ourselves to open up and let people in when we’ve been hurt. But I find it’s what makes us human and able to love big. The opening of the heart despite its scars. Hope you are well, Alison.
Mama Pants ‘s last awesome post..Parent Teacher Conference
Great perspective. I am well, but a few friends were not. Hence this message/ post of love is for them.
Twitter: tatterscoops
says:
Alison, this post got me all choked up.
I’ve had my shares of being hurt by the people I thought were good just like everybody else had experienced. But you are right, there are still some really good people out there. I am lucky to have found these good people near and far. Some I may never meet in person but their good kind hearts stays with me forever.
Beautifully written post, Alison!
Maureen ‘s last awesome post..Prelude to Krakatoa Trip
We truly are blessed when we have good people in our lives. And thank you. xo
We’ve all had those so-called-friends who just ended up wanted to use you for something else. This post brings back a lot of those memories. But then take a look at the most important people in your life and you’ll see lots of goodness all around you!
Leslie ‘s last awesome post..{Recipe} Ginger Pumpkin Bars
I have counted my good people and I’m glad. The hurt behind this post is not mine. This is a love letter to a friend to remind them that goodness still exists.
It is hard when people you trusted in let you down,that pain and let down festers down on your spirit. This entry is beautifully written and hit close to home with some of the struggles I myself have been facing. I think this is a great reminder just because their are some people who are unkind does not mean everyone out there is that way and that there are good people still out there.
Tammi ‘s last awesome post..A Wonderful Surprise Pulled Off!
You’re absolutely right. We mustn’t let the non-good mar the good.
I know exactly what you mean. And the bloggy friends I met have all turned out to be as lovely as they seemed online. Perhaps when writing we bare our true self and not hide behind a facade?
Stasha ‘s last awesome post..Banking on it
I think some are as true as their words. But not all, sadly.
(you’re one of those I count as good people!)
This post says something that’s been heavy on my heart and mind lately. And you’ve wrote about it so beautifully (like you do all the time). I just hope to be able to believe again in the goodness of others.
Ruth ‘s last awesome post..Interesting Facts about Body Odor
I hope you will too. xo
Twitter: mrs_KarenC
says:
beautiful post, I want him to continue to be a good person too. He is kind, loving and sees the good in all. He insists on helping others and knows when something is NOT right. I hope he always holds on to that, I hope he becomes that wonderful man.
karen ‘s last awesome post..My Meal Plan
Your boy sounds awesome! With your guidance, I know he’ll grow up to be a good man.
Twitter: ashleytaylor76
says:
This is a beautiful post and having had the opportunity to meet Tracy (in one of her fabulous dresses no less) I can certainly see why she is deserving of these words!
I think there is nothing more satisfying that a friend who truly has your back…and I am always sad when someone you thought to be that person lets you down.
thedoseofreality ‘s last awesome post..Disney Is Magical…Even On a School Night
I’m jealous you’ve met Tracy!!
Having someone have your back – that’s a blessing.
Did someone wrong you, Alison? Are you OK?
I do believe there are good and kind people around us, but sometimes there are those meanies that need to be ninja-kicked…let me know if you need someone to do that for you
Hope you’re OK.
xo
Runnermom-jen ‘s last awesome post..The Path…
Oh Jen, you’re so sweet! If ever I need help with ninja-kicking, I’ll be sure to call on you!
I’m OK, it’s just that a couple of my friends are not. Hence this post.
I’m glad that there are still some good people out there. Sometimes I really wonder.
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Pink Your Sink To Raise Awareness
I do too. Then I meet/ come across a really good person and my faith is restored. Temporarily.
oh Alison, this is beyond beautiful, both its sentiment and they way you woven this together. It might be one of my favorites of yours. Both parts of this story has been on my mind lately – how to preserve the goodness in our kids and friendship. i don’t know how I would survive without the genuine friendship of some of the people in my life. That intrinsic goodness is a pretty amazing thing (as are Tracy’s dresses).
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf ‘s last awesome post..On the road again
Thank you, for your kind words and ever-loving support of my writing.
I can’t do anything about other people’s goodness or lack thereof, I can only try and make sure I raise my boys right. At least then, I know that there are two people out there whose goodness remains.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
So beautiful, Alison. There are still some good eggs. I try to focus on that. I wish I could shelf my boys from everything this world has to offer. It’s so polluted. But, we can’t. We just have to show them they way the best we can, with God’s help.
adrienne ‘s last awesome post..Blogs that Deserve a #LatteLove & Giveaway
Yes, all we can do is show them the way, and hope they take the right path.
This is what scares me about our world. And even more so with our children. I don’t want them to have to go through these struggles either. It’s heartbreaking.
But you? Amazingly wonderful person. And we are so lucky to have you as a friend. xo
Kimberly ‘s last awesome post..Essence of Now: Rainy Day Blahs
Aw, thank you my friend. I feel the same way about you. xo
{Melinda} Putting ourselves out there is always a risk … and we all hate getting burned. But when we isolate ourselves, we miss out on all those wonderful, loving relationships you’re talking about. Life is messy. I’m so glad for the “gems” God puts in my path. They are worth all the risk.
Mothering From Scratch ‘s last awesome post..Messy kids? Get their attention creatively.