A friend of mine had her first baby a month after my second was born.
She’s since been saying on Facebook how different things are now that she’s a mother.
How her back hurts. How it sucks to still carry 10 extra pounds. And she asked, when will I feel myself again?
I told her, NEVER. You will never be the same again.
Your back will always be a little achy.
Your boobs will always be a little saggy.
Your stomach will always be a little poochy.
Your hips will always be a little wider.
Your hair, your skin, your bladder control – they will all never be what it was before, whether for better or worse.
You will never sleep the same again.
You might not get out of a nursing bra for a while.
You might find yourself talking about poop a lot more than you expect.
You might not wear something that’s not stained for a couple of years.
You might not get your nails done or your hair cut as often as you did.
Yes, all that.
But what I did not tell her, is this.
Your smile will always be wider.
Your laughter will always be more joyful.
Your eyes will always be brighter.
Your arms will always be full.
Your heart will always be walking out of your chest.
Your love will always be bigger.
So no, after you birth a child (or two, or three, or four and more), you will never be the same again.
Any words of wisdom you’d like to offer my friend, parents?
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you’ll never go to the bathroom alone…
you’re less selfish…
lovely post
Not a Perfect Mom ‘s last awesome post..You Know You’ve Been Married Too Long
Ah yes, the bathroom thing, how could I forget?
and that you’ll never want to be ‘the same’ again. Welcome to the new world. While my belly may wobble, it’s beautiful on this side of the fence.
It IS okay to mourne who you were. Know that hormones can play with your mind. And know that the first time your baby smiles at you with joyful recognition is better than any non-aching back, any tight tummy, heck any academy award. It’s the BEST.
Stephanie @Abellereve ‘s last awesome post..The Dark Side.
Love your advice, Stephanie. You are SO right. This side of the fence is absolutely better. Indescribably better.
you’ll never again doubt the connection and power through touch
I love this post, Alison and you couldn’t have chosen a better photo to go with it.
Kristen ‘s last awesome post..Summer Camp Blues
Love that – touch, yes. So important, so essential.
And thank you
This is spot on, Alison. I love it so much.
Greta ‘s last awesome post..A Letter #iPPP
Thank you, Greta.
Before she had her baby, my sister told me that she and her husband and decided that they were bringing a baby into their lives, they weren’t entering the baby’s life. They were going to keep things very much the same as how things were pre-baby and they weren’t going to let the baby change them much.
Oh the things we assume before we’ve experienced things.
I am a completely different person than who I was before kids. There is lots of me that is more uncomfortable now, but I like who I am better now. Mama.
Laura @ Mommy Miracles ‘s last awesome post..Little Too Big
I know women who had the same thoughts as your sister. And I just smile and nod sagely and say, yes, okay, you just wait.
I am completely different too. I couldn’t even imagine that I would be who I am today. But that’s perfectly okay and I’ve never been happier.
Perfect post. Perfect photo. Your heart will never shrink back to the normal size. You will always find room for your kids (no matter how many of them) on your lap. and yes… you will never poop alone again.
Kristen ‘s last awesome post..Rejection
Laughed at the last one
Great advice, Kristen.
I agree. Nothing can prepare you for motherhood. The bad. And the depth of the good. Lovely photo.
Jamie ‘s last awesome post..Put Me in the Zoo.
The ‘depth of good’ – I love that.
oh how this post is here for me exactly when I need it. Just when I was wishing to be “me” again…I remembered: I AM ME! This is me now…freaky thin hair and zitty chin and all.
You can add these for your friend:
you will never have enough sleep again
you will find things you once though mundane to be amazing…because you will see them again through the eyes of a child.
you will always wish for 5 more minutes at nap time
you will never have ALL the laundry done
you will never remember what life was like pre-baby…and that will always be ok.
Katie ‘s last awesome post..the hair post
You know that you’re beautiful, right?
I love the mundane being non-mundane thing – seeing things and life through the eyes of a child is such an unexpected blessing.
That there are things you care about before that seem so damn important…and they aren’t. You suddenly don’t give a rat’s behind about them.
I think becoming a mom filtered down, concentrated and crystallized all that was truly meaningful in life.
Even though it is annoying to have a bald spot in the front of my head now. WTF, hormones?
Julie ‘s last awesome post..#iPPP: Things I’m really bad at
See, you just summarized it in one succinct, beautiful sentence. Filted down, concentrated and crystalized – yes.
Gah, bald spot???
I like what Julie said. The things that used to be so important just aren’t. The things that ARE important, you can wrap your arms around, and those touches are sometimes the difference between a bad day and a beautiful one.
angela ‘s last awesome post..Come With Me
Yes, what you said, because you said it better.
My baby is two and I still wear clothes that are stained and have NO idea how they got that way.
I would add that you will laugh harder than you ever did before kids about the smallest things (right now, at Gia’s booty scootch dance she does).
Love…it will know no bounds. I say the word “love” about 100 times a day and mean it every single time.
AnnMarie ‘s last awesome post..So Many Expectations
My toddler said to me in all seriousness yesterday, “Be quiet.” I cracked up and laughed for a full minute, so you’re absolutely right!
you’ll never have to look for joy again…
you’ll witness little heart stopping wonders every day…
you will never find anything that will make you as instantly happy…
and it will all be there within your reach.
vanita ‘s last awesome post..Advice Needed From “The Moms Who Blog” Perspective
Yes, this! Thank you
Only this: “A mother spends the night awake, watching over her feverish child. While others call it heroic, she calls it simply mothering.”
Alexandra ‘s last awesome post..Why I’ll Be At BlogHer Again
You have the best quotes. I love it.
You will never pee alone. Or eat chocolate out in the open where the vultures can get it.
Kimberly ‘s last awesome post..It’s Not Always A Fairy Tale
Haha, vultures!!! Wait, do you mean the kids or the husband?
Love this post so very very much!
Stasha ‘s last awesome post..Wordless Wednesday
Love you so very very much!
Motherhood is a phase of which when we enter, our lives will never be the same again.
I don’t yet have kids, but I adopted a pet dog last year. And ever since, our lives have never been the same. We have not travelled (both of us at the same time), one of us is always home to be with Pepper. Our schedule is planned around her. I think “Pepper” is the first word we speak every morning now
I guess that will be the same with kids.
As they say, pets are practice kids
(my dad’s dog’s name is Pepper too!)
A perfect list! I loved every single one.
Barbara ‘s last awesome post..Taking Time to Play
Thank you Barbara!
You’re a good Friend. I would have responded with just “Never” and left it at that!
And you’re right, my boobs are a little saggy. At least you all have an excuse!
m.
Mark ‘s last awesome post..Read all about it!
You are hot. Period.
Now I’m just thinking about Mark’s sagging boobs.
tracy@sellabitmum ‘s last awesome post..Fabric of Life
So am I!
Great list. You’re right. Things will never be the same. Things will get easier. And sometimes harder. And sometimes better. But never the same
Victoria KP ‘s last awesome post..100 Word Song: A Light Left On
You’re absolutely spot on.
Amusement park rides never thrilled me again. My thrills are different.
Maggie S. ‘s last awesome post..Is That All You Got?
That’s a great perspective!
Also your first instinct when someone moons you will be to reach for a wet whipe…
Great list and I love that picture!
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes ‘s last awesome post..Happiness on a plate : Pasta with Vongole, Mussles and fresh Pesto
HAHAHAHAHA!! You always make me laugh, Tinne.
I always feel so proud to be a mother when I read your “motherly” posts
Cassie ‘s last awesome post..Fun in the Shade!
This comment makes me happy! And reminds me why I keep writing.
Have I mentioned that i love you lately?
Cause I do.
And this post.
Kimberly ‘s last awesome post..Kim Versus Pig
Love you too, pig conqueror. xo
Oh, these are good, wise words. And the truth is, I can’t imagine how empty my life was before kids.
Mel ‘s last awesome post..American Dream
We had no idea, did we?
Twitter: KalleyC
says:
Being a mother is one of the most life changing things that can happen to a person. No longer are you just responsible for yourself, but everything you have every learned and trusted gets tested–as do yourself.
Not only do you learn that you have to trust yourself, you realize that you have a little one who never doubted you from day one. A lot of responsibility, but something I wouldn’t change for the world.
KalleyC ‘s last awesome post..Getting A Grip With Emotions
Yes, trusting ourselves and our instincts. Something that still challenges me some days.
I can’t even express how much I love this post. I think it may be my favorite you’ve ever written.
Stacey@Supermommy ‘s last awesome post..Llama Llama Preschool Drama
Aw, thank you Stacey.
Life is never the same after these crazy kids come into the world.
Jess ‘s last awesome post..Now That It’s Over We Can Laugh
No kids, no blog fodder = no blog. So yes, definitely different. At least in that one way
*choked up*
And you will never be able to explain properly to someone before they have had children how unimportant everything else becomes, that you will realize how trivial those things that were your past focus actually are in the big scheme of things. How small (and big) your world will become all at once.
wow. could i have included any more poorly structured sentences? But I’m verklempt, forgive me. xo
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..WIWW – Take Three
Comments made when verklempt are the best.
I love that – how big and small your world becomes all at once.
I think you’ve got all the big ones covered. You won’t be the same again but what you will find parts of yourself that will be made more beautiful, more strong through this experience. Tell her, “Welcome to motherhood” for me!
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Photography lighting tips to get pictures like the pros
I will! And yes, we find strength in places we did not think we would. Also, oodles of patience.
Tell your friend that my “baby” turns 13 this Saturday. My firstborn is now 15.
And I would give anything to have just one more sleepless night with them nestled in my arms.
julie gardner ‘s last awesome post..Today call me monstrous
You can come over and hold the baby at 3am. I truly wouldn’t mind. I’d even put on a nice bra for you. And I’m not even being sarcastic.
And *sob*, 13????
I love this post. Probably one of my favorites that you’ve ever written (and that’s saying a lot considering you kick butt). No one can ever prepare you for what motherhood has in store. Sure there are “consequences” to becoming a parent and sacrifices that have to be made. But it’s worth every single second.
Courtney Kirkland ‘s last awesome post..Fears & Worries of Second Time Parenting
Aw, thank you Courtney! You’re absolutely right. The sacrifices are definitely worth it. I mean, those faces. Those smiles. Their little hands. Sigh.
Oh so true my friend but all worth it!
Natalie ‘s last awesome post..Wordless Wednesday-Big Shirt Style
Absolutely worth it!
So much truth….
Let’s see… she’ll never go to the bathroom alone again. She’ll hear mom more times in a 5 minute span than she ever thought possible. She’ll never have a phone conversation without being interrupted 20 times.
But she will know more joy than she ever thought possible… and all it will take is a one smile.
Jackie ‘s last awesome post..It’s All in the Pillow Giveaway!
My son hardly ever calls me Mama. I want to hear it even if it’s every 5 minutes
Perfection Alison. Could not love this more.
Coming from you, Jessica, that’s huge for me. Thank you.
Yes!! Every word of this post is true. And the sooner we accept these new, different, uncomfortable, painful, changes/things about ourselves the better.
Tonya ‘s last awesome post..A Letter To The Dearly Departed
Yes, exactly what I told my friend
You will never experience another love like that of loving your child.
Definitely needed to read this today–its been a rough Wednesday.
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Miss Me Now You Gotta Kiss Me
Yes, there is no love quite like it, is there?
Sorry you had a tough day – hope the rest of the week gets better.
You are right once you become a mother nothing is ever the same but if though life is different it is so much better!
Tammi ‘s last awesome post..There is nothing like being a mom, daily it changes and each day is full of challenges followed by laughter and love.
It definitely IS better.
Twitter: beeswithhoney
says:
Amen to different! Couldn’t have made that list better myself. It’s a good different though, isn’t it?
Bruna ‘s last awesome post..four, funny and fantastic
Absolutely a good different, yes.
Lovely post!
I would like to add what I realized this week after being a mom for 6+ years:
You realize why your own mother just stared at you for minutes at a time.
Because I have started doing that to my kids. Looking at them, staring, for minutes at a time. Just taking them in before they grow and change – again.
JD @ Honest Mom ‘s last awesome post..A New Kind of Mom Guilt: Do You Ever Feel this Way?
Oh I do that ALL THE TIME!! Especially when they’re sleeping, I stare at them for ages. I also stroke their little hands and heads. Sigh.
so spot on.
most surprising to me? my “gross meter” is all out of whack. Wipe a snotty nose with my finger because the other child built a fort with the entire box of kleenex? yep. Asking things like, “is that chocolate, or poop?” nevermind actually being puked, peed and pooped on at any given moment.
nothing fazes me anymore.
RoryBore ‘s last awesome post..Quotable Bits # 27 – Imagine
Ah yes, gross meter! I too, have no qualms getting poop, pee and puke on my hands (and other parts of my body and clothes!). Completely unfazed.
Other people’s kids poop, pee and puke however…..
You are so upbeat and positive. I should try that…can I just mention that you forgot to mention that your feet will never go back to their original size (mine grew one whole shoe size!)
Yes, that! I think my feet have definitely gotten bigger after this second pregnancy. Sigh.
I love this – all so very true. Definitely never the same, but I love all the positives at the end.
Elena ‘s last awesome post..Setting the Bar
Thank you Elena
Your words sum up the best motherhood wisdom around! I wish you were around to tell me these things when I had my first. None of friends had any children yet, so no one (besides my mom and other relatives) had any (sometimes unwelcome) advice for me!
Your friend is definitely lucky to have you for support.
Janice ‘s last awesome post..Las Vegas Sans Gambling, Alcohol, and Half-Naked People
I wish someone had told ME too
I agree with all that you have said! I would add that you never get a quiet moment. If they’re not crying, they’re talking, or humming, or singing, or making some kind of noise.
Erin ‘s last awesome post..Use Sparingly – DIY Foam Soap
Oh yes, I know that well. I gave birth to two Noise Makers.
Twitter: lilahbility
says:
You will get back to a version of yourself as it gets easier and you can carve out more time for yourself, but it will be a new version; a much better version, and you will find deep wells of strength/determination/love within yourself that you never even thought yourself capable of.
Also, I think it’s important to tell new moms (or moms in general, for that matter) that it’s okay not to love every second of it. Sometimes it’s hard – no need to feel guilty for not enjoying the tough bits.
Amanda ‘s last awesome post..Now We Are Three
You’re right, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, and it’s totally okay not to like those parts.
Oh, someone please pass the tissues. Yes to all these things. My heart is full.
Melissa ‘s last awesome post..My Baby Boy Can Beatbox {Not-so-wordy Wednesday}
And full it remains
Twitter: Asianmommy
says:
Aww…so true!
Asianmommy ‘s last awesome post..Fast Food in Taipei
Thank you
Love the post and all the comments. My daughter is 11 now and quite capable of doing so many things I used to do for her. What I think is so incredibly magical and quite mind-blowing is seeing this person I brought into the world become who she is. A little part of me is in there but she’s her own self. It’s this amazing letting go that is heartbreaking and wondrous at the same time. Only as a mother (parent) do you constantly struggle with the rewards and consequences of seeing a person grow in every way possible. I could never articulate why I wanted a child but after she was born I realized how much I needed to learn from this experience. And that just never ends. Thanks for your post! Hope all is well with the new baby.
Thank you for your lovely thoughtful comment, Mary! Yes, we are well
Tears are streaming down my face. Because you are so very right. Motherhood absolutely changes who we are, and never again will we return to who we were. But left in the shoes of our old selves is the beauty that is a mother.
Thank you for this. It’s beautiful.
Julia ‘s last awesome post..I Am
Thank you Julia, so glad you liked this post.
I just wrote about the same thing. We are never the same after a baby, but that’s not a bad thing.
Leighann ‘s last awesome post..Wait… You’ve Changed.
I know, I read your post and thought, hey, I just wrote about this!
So true. The stuff about physically feeling different is so noticeable at first that it’s all you can think about. But over time that fades away (even if you don’t get back to normal) and you realize your perspective on the world has changed. And that’s worth more than 10 pounds anyway.
Robin @ Farewell, Stranger ‘s last awesome post..Home Alone
Well said, Robin!
This was truly beautiful although I can’t fully relate yet
Jamie ‘s last awesome post..Gloria Ferrer Caves and Vineyard!
Oh there is so very much truth here. But no matter what we say, she has to see/feel all of this for herself, yes? Just like we did.
Le sigh.
{No pie for me, either. That quote is a stunner.}
xo
Galit Breen ‘s last awesome post..Memories Captured July Linky!
Yes, absolutely, I hope she sees it sooner rather than later.
No pie for me! xo
Oh how I Love this post.
and p.s. no matter HOW much my MIL loves her 4 kids she would NEVER say that about pie. Damn she loves the stuff!! ;P
But I get it.
Elaine ‘s last awesome post..Birthday Bonanza
Aw, thanks Elaine! And the part about your MIL – hee!