We sat on the fringes, watching the other moms and their toddlers tackle the kiddy gym equipment.
The kids were squealing with delight, their moms clapping and looking on in encouragement.
You sat there, looking ahead of you at I-don’t-know-what.
I sat there, desperately wondering if there was something wrong with you. That at 2 years, 2 months, you show no interest in the things other toddlers do.
For 25 minutes, I wrestled with you, trying to keep you in the circle of activity of our first toddler gym class, where everyone was singing along and clapping.
You sat on my lap, facing me, biting ferociously into my shoulder, showing me in no uncertain terms that you hated this.
The rest of the time, you kept saying “Bye!”, and leading me to the door, reaching for the handle, wanting to leave.
I kept steering you away from the door, trying to interest you in the things all the other kids were doing.
Only when they brought out the balls and bust out the bubbles, did you finally step into that circle.
And I sat there on the outside looking in.
Wondering if there isn’t anything wrong with you, but with my expectactions of you.
That you’re not like other kids, never have been.
You’ve always been a little cautious and wary of new environments and strangers.
You’ve always taken a little longer than other kids to warm up to people you’ve just met.
You’ve always forged your own path.
You’ve always clung onto what is familiar to you and those you love.
You’ve always thrived on routine and knowing what to expect.
You’ve always surprised me with your introspectiveness, in your own toddler-like way.
So as I sit, outside looking in at you, my son, know that Mama is proud of you. Always.
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I had two cautious children who took a while to warm up to new people and situations. That was the only way the boy was cautious. Give him something to climb and he was all over it; still is. I think we’re all born with a certain amount of our temperament built in, and as moms we just have to learn who they are and help them be the best THEM they can be.
Cynthia M ‘s last awesome post..My Disneyland Photobook from Shutterfly
You’re absolutely right, Cynthia. Instead of trying to force him into a ‘molud’, I want to help him to be the best HIM he can be.
This was my experience with my now 5-year old son about two and a half years ago. I signed him up for a tumbling class at 18 months and for 45 minutes for the first 4-5 weeks, he screamed and cried through the entire class. He definitely is a cautious one. While his cousins and friends would rush head first into any new situation, he sat back and watched. I was worried at first and it was hard to watch him be shy but he is now coming into his own and so amazing to watch.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf ‘s last awesome post..Scenes From My Weekend – Lake Tahoe
It’s so good to know that he’s come into his own. I hope my son does too, over time.
Oh my goodness that was beautiful!!! So sweet.
Kim Pugliano ‘s last awesome post..Comment on Monday Listicles by Bridget
Thank you Kim!
My kids are the same, I’ve done the toddler gym with each of them and was amazed, how quiet they were, refusing to join and then singing and dancing all of the songs, once they got home.
I kept going and after a while they acted like they owned the place, but never danced in the circle like other kids did. It’s wonderful to be able to love and accept our kids just the way they are.
Mirjam ‘s last awesome post..Traditions
I just want Monkey to get comfortable in the class, whether it’s being part of the group or just doing his own thing. But I don’t want to pressure/ force him into anything, so we’ll just keep going and see how we do in the next few weeks. Wish me luck!
That was beautifully written. I guess that being cautious at this age has it’s challenges, but he sounds like he might a look-before-you-leap kind of guy that will serve him well in the future!
Ann ‘s last awesome post..Cous Cous, Chicken and Orange Salad
I sure hope so Ann!
Awww! It’s awesome he marches to his own path!
Blond Duck ‘s last awesome post..Ode to My Little Pony and How I love Thee
Thank you, I thinks so too.
He’ll be alright! You’ve prepared him well.
m.
Oh Mark. I hope so. Thank you for the vote of confidence!
Awww, a very touching post. I bet he’s gonna like reading about himself one day!
Mayor Gia ‘s last awesome post..D.A.R.D. Update and some Questions
I sure hope so! At the very least, not embarrassed
This is so beautiful! He’s just cautious…Nolan does the same thing. He’s weighing his options
Natalie ‘s last awesome post..Oh Weekend, Where Did You Go?
Weighing options is a good thing, so yeah, I’m going with that
What a sweet post; your son sounds very wise.
Louise Ducote ‘s last awesome post..Happy Weekend from Ivy and Revel
Wise is a good way to look at it!
There are more kids like this than it feels like to you right now. This quality of his personality will serve him well as he grows up. Not being someone who jumps in without evaluating the scene? Could save him from some big mistakes as a teen and college kid.
Good for you for recognizing that it’s OK for him to be cautious and reserved.
Missy | Literal Mom ‘s last awesome post..It’s All About Me Week – Let’s Get Real Like Dr. Phil
Thank you Missy, that’s really reassuring. After reading all the comments, you’re right, it does seem that there are many kids just like Monkey
Beautiful. Stunning, really.
That love that we have, and that moment that we can separate our expectations of them, and just them.
(A truly beautiful mothering moment, Alison.)
Galit Breen ‘s last awesome post..Easy
Thank you, Galit, truly. xo
I learned very early on in parenting that the “different” ones are the ones with the hidden treasures others aren’t privy to!
CJ ‘s last awesome post..Just Write: When Goodbye Is Too Soon
He’s only 2 so yes, I’m waiting to unearth some of those treasures
Thanks for dropping by CJ!
Beautifully written, as always! And my older son is so like that – didn’t talk till 2 and a half – always stood on the sidelines looking around, scared of other children. A thinker, a ponderer, a cautious child, even today. And it’s beautiful to watch and accept who they are, though it may not be what we expected. Thanks so much for sharing!
Jennifer Probst ‘s last awesome post..THE DEPTHS OF DISNEY…by Jennifer Probst
Thank you Jennifer! I like that – a thinker and a ponderer. I hope Monkey is that too.
I find it very hard to decide when to encourage participation and when to just let it go and say “he/she doesnt want to do this. and that’s fine.” My daughter used to grab her shoes and stand by the exit 5 minutes into music class. And she loves music. I wanted to stay, not so much for the music but to be around other adults. But she won every time.
Christine @ Quasi Agitato ‘s last awesome post..Notes from the Sidelines
I think it’d depend on age. Since Monkey is only 2, there’s no reasoning or pleading. All I can do is try and encourage him to at least hang out in the class, on the periphery if that’s what he wants, rather than just give up and never go again. When he’s older, I hope to be able to have discussions with him regarding why he chooses to stay on the sidelines or participate. Something I can’t do now!
Oh, this was so beautiful. I think it’s such a wonderful thing to witness a child step out of his/her familiar comfort zone and embrace a new experience. And everyone does it at a different pace. I’m just glad that you don’t push, but that you stand back proudly and watch it all unfold
What a kind, gentle momma you are.
XOXO
Charlotte ‘s last awesome post..Just as I am
Thank you for your kind words, Charlotte. Most days, I’m just flailing and hope for the best
Twitter: euregirlsandboy
says:
Sweet, Alison. And you should be proud of him. It’s hard to realize that sometimes it’s our own expectations that are the problem. And you’ll learn with the second that it’s even weirder to experience the differences between your children and having different expectations for different children. (Wow, that’s a lot of use of the word different.)
Katie E ‘s last awesome post..Why You Shouldn’t Cut Your Daughter’s Hair
I know, fun and interesting times ahead!
Very sweet post. It’s your love for him that makes your mind wonder…and then what joy it is to see him enjoying life, laughing and having a ball (literally) that makes everything all right again!
Debra ‘s last awesome post..Reading To Kids Is FUNdamental!
He is a joyous child
Thank you Debra!
Oh Alison, we have so much in common! A few months ago I took my son, who was 18 months at the time, to his first sign language class. It’s one of those “Sing to me, Sign to me” classes where everyone sings and signs to communicate. He kept heading for the door and trying to unlock it. I was embarassed at first, but then realized he wasn’t the only kid heading for the door. Two other toddlers also tried to escape! As the hour progressed, I started to feel less and less embarassed that my boy wasn’t participating. All kids grow and learn at different times. It’s hard because we want so badly for them to “get” everything so quickly, but I think we just need to let them be who they are and grow at their own pace. Also? He got better as the classes continued. Your little Monkey will be just fine!!
Eve ‘s last awesome post..Happy Birthday to My Dad
Thank you for sharing your story, Eve! It’s reassuring to know that it’s perfectly normal – not all toddlers jump right into things and it’s totally okay. I think he just needs time to warm up and get used to it and we’ll be A-OK
I hate when my own expectations are bigger than my reality. I was always worried because Annabelle was slower than most other kids getting into things. Now I try to relax myself but it doesn’t always work out.
Jaime ‘s last awesome post..Irrational
I’ve learned to deal with my own expectations, and just go with the flow. Yes it doesn’t always work, but kudos to you for trying!
Aw, I know that feeling. I’m glad he found a piece of it to join in on.
I told the gym director today that they should just have a bubble machine on 24/7
So lovely. My daughter is similar to your son and I react similarly to her – always wanting to push her to jump in and play. It takes time to get to the point where we realize they will forge their own paths. But it’s so lovely to watch when they do.
The natural urge is to encourage, but I find that with my son, letting him dictate his own pace works better!
I think it’s awesome that you embrace him for who he is and who he is becoming. Forcing something or someone to do things isn’t good for either one of you.
Beautiful picture to go along with your beautiful words. xo
Thank you Jen and I agree!
Aw, sweet little guy. My son was like that too–wary, cautious. He grew up to be a fine young man (with a gifted IQ !) They are each so unique and special and treasured.
Pam ‘s last awesome post..Featured!
Okay, the gifted IQ part is good to know!
Beautiful! I think too often we do push our kids to do things that we want them to do, rather than encouraging them to find the things they want to do.
We have a great playgroup near us and over a year, I watched as various kids of various ages participating in various ways… including my own. My youngest went from being a very shy mommy’s girl who would cling to me the whole time, to finding a place where she was comfortable and at home and could run around playing with the toys, knowing that I was sitting only a few feet away chatting with another mom. Sometimes it just takes time. 
Cute story and a cute picture! Thanks for sharing.
Bonnie Way ‘s last awesome post..Family Night with The Voice
Thank you for sharing your experience, Bonnie. I know I just have to give my son time
Alison, this was so touching. I was a different kid. I didn’t show interest in the things other kids showed interest in. I had a supportive mother like you who allowed me to grow in my own way, at my own pace. And I’m a happy, unique, and loving individual. As I’m sure your son will be too.
Beautiful post!
Katie ‘s last awesome post..Evening the Score
Katie, that is so good to know because you’re awesome
I know this feeling. I went through it myself and I’ve watched my kids do it too. It’s hard to know when to encourage and when to just let them figure it out on their own. Sometimes I do think our expectations get in the way.
Kimberly ‘s last awesome post..Blissdom 2012
Yeah, darn expectations. I’m trying to temper them and just go with the flow. HIS flow.
My boys have both been very eager to try new things but my daughter is more cautious. It’s hard for me to remember to see her as an individual sometimes. We just have to let our kids take the lead.
ML@My3LittleBirds ‘s last awesome post..Reaching for Words
Yes, that is true – to let him take the lead. I have to remind my inner control freak of that constantly
Such a sweet post.
I remember taking Ella to Music Together classes when she was that age and feeling exactly the same angst. Exactly.
I reminded myself though that I prefer people (and probably kids) who march to the beat of their own drummer. (-:
I’ve always thought of myself as someone who dances to her own tune, and have always liked that about myself. So yes, I’m definitely going to let Monkey do the same!
We isn’t he lucky he has a Mama who dances to her own beat too?! (-:
Ado ‘s last awesome post..It’s World Rare Disease Day
What a thoughtful description of your son’s tempermant.Sounds like he does things on his own time in his own way.
Robbie ‘s last awesome post..Exercise Class Drop Out
Yes, that’s exactly what he’s like
Nice Post, its great that not all kids are the same. Unfortunatley our son has autistic disorder,so he remained that bit different
What a sweet post:) It’s hard to let go sometimes when they don’t fit our expectations
thepsychobabble ‘s last awesome post..Morning Time
Hence, the adjusting of expectations is required – not always an easy thing to do
I think they all have moments like this. And some of them are naturally more adventurous than others. But they are all wonderful, just the way they are.
Natalie @MamaTrack ‘s last awesome post..Crows and Babies
Yes, yes they are!
Wow, this was great. It’s amazing what we “see” when we truly look at our children.
And I often wonder what they wonder, when they see something new.
Carolyn ‘s last awesome post..Lemon Lentil Soup {Recipe + Giveaway}
I’m constantly wondering what he’s wondering about
So very beautifully well written. You are the perfect mama for him. He’s a lucky boy!
jlweinberg/jen ‘s last awesome post..Running Out Of Orgasm
Aw, thank you Jen! I’m just muddling through this motherhood gig really.
This post brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful mother you are!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Sara!
This brought back memories of gymboree classes with my son. I’ve learnt to let go of my own insecurities since then and just let my kids be themselves. I think we dreaded those classes more than he did.
Kiddothings ‘s last awesome post..Picnesday – Destined For….
Yes! I’m trying to be positive and upbeat when we go to his classes – I think he can sense trepidation and anxiety from me. Wish me luck!
This is so touching. I can so relate.
The first summer that we spent at the pool, my firstborn sat watching all the other children romping and splashing. He meticulously lined up his trains and cars.
It sounds insane now, but it was the first time that I really, truly realized that he was going to be his own little man. Not a mini-me afterall. No belly flopping or cannonballs for him.
He left the pool every single day with a dry head and his trains safely tucked in his bag.
At the end of the summer, he said “That pool was a fun thing.” I realized that just because he wasn’t having my kind of fun, didn’t mean that he wasn’t finding his own fun.
That is such a wonderful story, thank you for sharing. And I love that part about him finding his own fun. That’s what I want for my toddler!
You’ve got a smart, wise and intelligent little prince there.
Great job Mummy!
Catheryn @ Pinkbibs ‘s last awesome post..Cooking ~ Pineapple Prawn Curry
Thank you Catheryn!
Being cautious is a good thing! Encourage him to continue to listen to his gut – and let him feel comfortable and take his time. As we grow up, it takes courage to step back and do things differently than the norm. You’re a great mom for giving him the time to process!
Daisy Nguyen ‘s last awesome post..That Awkward Moment When You Realize You Have Back Fat
Thank you Daisy, that is great advice!
Love how well you know and respect him. This is so first child. Really. Mine is the same. Still at nine sometimes her little sisters have to hold her hand and lead her into something. xo
Thank you Tracy. Eloise is a remarkable girl!! xo
Twitter: kerstinauer
says:
Wonderful! I see a lot of that in my son, he’s always been a little different – still is, actually.
You really nailed it with your comment about your expectations – I am so guilty of that.
I think I expect too much of my kids sometimes and forget to enjoy the moment. Glad you managed to enjoy
Kerstin ‘s last awesome post..Proud Parenting Moments
I spent more time wondering what was wrong, until towards the end of the class when it struck me – he’s not going to be this age forever. Why am I stressing over something so minute and missing out on him as he is now?
That was a lesson learned.
My boy was the same at Gymbabes. How I used to dread going there. But once I took the time to get to know him I really started enjoying him. Good on you for realizing that early on.
Just last week Little J told me he is thinking about going to ballet. See…
Stasha ‘s last awesome post..Wordless Wednesday
I think Monkey will be able to pick up on my dread so I’m going to try and be positive and upbeat each time we go to class, with no expectations
Ballet? Let me know how that goes
I love that photo. Gosh…he sounds so much like my oldest who has always been an ‘observer’…taking everything in before taking any action. It always seemed so counter to the ‘normal’ headlong dive into life most toddlers around us seemed to exhibit…but I kind of like the cautious approach myself
XLMIC ‘s last awesome post..The Big Boy Hike
I’m beginning to think it’s really not a bad thing
I just love kids like yours. They’re cautious and loving and sensitive. My nephew was the same way – the last to join in something new. But eventually he warms up and becomes fully and joyfully engaged. And as he’s gotten older and more sure of the world he’s been able to leave his mom’s arms more readily and with more confidence. Your son sounds absolutely perfect!
Mamamzungu ‘s last awesome post..Baby Removal Surgery – Part II
Thank you for sharing your nephew’s experience – it’s reassuring to know that they WILL grow into their own in their own time.
Such a lovely post – so nice that you appreciate him for who he is. He’s a lucky boy
I have one of these kids too – a slow to warm up, homebody, craves the familiar. She is absolutely brilliant and loving and wonderful, but at 14, although definitely braver and more outgoing, she’s essentially still the same. And I wouldn’t have it any other way 
You’re a great mom, Susanna!
He is lucky to have a mama who loves him so
It’s impossible to not love a head hugger, y’know?
He is so blessed to have you in his corner. He is truly special in the way that he thinks and does things. How great that he is leader and not a follower.
JDaniel4′s Mom ‘s last awesome post..Odds Are JDaniel Will Have Another Lion Birthday
I love that perspective- a leader and not a follower
My oldest daughter is always cautious and I have learned over almost 10 years that it makes her the rock for all of her true friends. She is the one they turn to for sound advice even at this young age. She has a big heart and I can see from all of your writings that Monkey has one too. He is going to be a wonderful big brother!
Kristen ‘s last awesome post..Missing The Moments…
Oh, I sure hope so!
yes.
Beautiful.
Our children don’t fit the molds that society sets out for them and I’m so proud of you for writing about it.
Leighann ‘s last awesome post..Enjoying it while it Lasts
Thank you Leighann!
This is so beautifully written. My oldest son is very much like this. He has always hung back a little, wanting to be sure of his environment before diving in. After he joins in (in his own time), he somehow exudes this calm confidence that the other children just love. I can tell your son will be the same.
Stacey ‘s last awesome post..Circles
Stacey, that is so reassuring, thank you!
You have nothing to be worried about. You should be proud that he does his own thing.
Barbara ‘s last awesome post..Self-Righteous Mother
I’m realizing that now
Reading this post was like being wrapped in a warm cocoon on this dreary day. What a beautiful piece on a mother’s love, on acceptance, and on the realization that our children are their own persons. Ellen
Thank you Ellen for your kind words!
I will admit that over the past fourteen years of raising my son there have been many moments where I had similar thoughts…
I’m not proud to admit I’ve wondered if life could have been easier if he were more like everyone else.
And the truth is, in many ways, it would be easier.
But.
It wouldn’t be life with my Jack. And he still brings tears of joy to my eyes when I least expect it. Thanks for reminding me how very proud I am of him.
The word extra-ordinary exists for a reason.
You always make me feel better with your comments, Julie.
I know what you mean by easier – Monkey has never been easy. But then, he wouldn’t be the boy I love so much.
You’re extraordinary.
I loved this. It reminds me of how I was (and still am). My parents and teachers have tried everything to make me socialize with others. I was too shy, but it was mainly that I had different interests, always too grown up for my age, too mature.
nikky44 ‘s last awesome post..The Rainbow
I think we should all be allowed to grow into our own, at our own pace. I hope you’re at a good place now!
Dane has been doing the same thing at classes… and it’s so hard not to push him into the middle of the group! This is really lovely, and also a great reminder that each of our children is an individual, independent soul. Thanks!
Susan ‘s last awesome post..Lack of Sleep + Whole Foods = Spilled Milk
Yes they are! I never wanted to fit into a mould – so why should I make my son?
That is the best gift you can give him, accepting him just as he is. Love this Alison.
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Faces
Thank you Jessica. It means a lot to me that you love this post
Love the way you wrote in the second person, directly to your son. Sweet. I believe more parents ought to do that for their kids. They’ll want to read it years later. I don’t have kids of my own but I’ve been doing it for my niece. I so wish my mother would have written a few things down. So I love it, and he will too, and so will the new one!
stephanie ‘s last awesome post..She’s Not my Mom!
This blog is in part a massive love letter to my boys
I really love this Alison.
I love that you are allowing to be just the way he is without forcing him to be like other children. You are fostering him.
That is the best thing a parent can do.
and love on them
xoxo
Kimberly ‘s last awesome post..The Kid Who Won’t Quit
Aw thanks Kim. There is no forcing with the Monkey. He’s just too much of an individual
Some kids just get overwhelmed by all that activity. Maybe it was too chaotic, but the balls and bubbles gave him something to focus on.
Really sweet post!
Just Jennifer ‘s last awesome post..How I Like Me Now
I was overwhelmed by the activity, never mind him
Yes I think the balls and the bubbles were familiar items to him, so it did give him a focus. Also, he was relaxing into the environment by then.
Some kids don’t like to jump in right away, it’s better to sit back and evaluate what’s going on. That is perfectly okay.
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Hey Girl…The #Blissdom 2012 Experience
Yes it is. I hope that quality will serve him well in later life.
My kids are not at all clingy but so many of my friends’ kids are so I really understand it. There are so many different type of people so it’s not surprising that there would be that many different types of kids.
Thank goodness or life would be really boring.
Lady Jennie ‘s last awesome post..Ratatouille Is Comfort Food
Yes it would!!
Awww! I was so much like that when I was young. I’m sure that if you decide to go again, he’ll probably get more and more involved…especially when he remembers the balls and bubbles!
Leslie ‘s last awesome post..DIY Decor Around the House
We’re going weekly. Our 2nd time wasn’t a great success for the first half, but he eventually warmed up and started to relax into the environment. Let’s hope next week is better!
Twitter: krrobi
says:
—Mama A,
I choked up reading this lovely post.
Especially the last line: “So as I sit, outside looking in at you, my son, know that Mama is proud of you. Always.”
xx
My Inner Chick ‘s last awesome post..Don’t Stop Believing
Thank you Kim. Thank you for reading and smiling/ crying along with me always.
My daughter’s nursery school teacher told me she was “slow to warm.” She’s always been an observer. I spent an entire summer (and paid for it too) watching her sit on the edge of the pool while the swimming teacher taught all the other kids. She refused to go in the pool. No tantrums, just wouldn’t do it. And I didn’t make her. At the end of the summer we were invited to swim in our neighbor’s pool and the kid had watched so closely she could practically swim on her own. No fear at all. She’s now ten, has her own video channel, writes plays, performs in them and is still quiet, introspective and an observer. Your son reminds me so much of her. Thanks for the post.
Your daughter sounds wonderful and amazing. I hope my son turns out half as well
Awww, Alison this is so special. I love the way you set it up as I would have a similar reaction, wishing hoping mine would do what all the other kids do, but then I love that you sit and accept his way. And that his way is similar to how he has always been. Beautiful for both of you and the last line, perfection:)
Shannon from mynewfavoriteday ‘s last awesome post..Shorter Days, Longer Nights, and a Future Worth Living For.
Thank you Shannon! I love my boy, every little bit of him.
I know exactly what you mean. The Little Dude is very similar in many ways and as a father it can get frustrating when all the kids are climbing on the playground and mine won’t even go by himself. Then again, when I help him I get a few more minutes of that special time.
Beautifully expressed post, Alison.
Jay- The Dude of the House ‘s last awesome post..Burst Your Bubble
I love that perspective – that you get a few more moments with him. Thank you Jay.
My G is similar in situations like this. He doesn’t want to participate in group stuff too much, like at story time, in school, etc. It’s probably just part of their personalities but I TOTALLY understand the Momma urge to WANT them to participate SO badly.
And yes, always PROUD! xo
Elaine ‘s last awesome post..Proof my kids play other things besides Angry Birds
You know, I am much the same – I never really liked participating in group stuff when I was a kid. I shouldn’t be surprised Monkey has that part of me in him
Twitter: beeswithhoney
says:
I have a cautious 3 and a half year old. Takes her a long time to warm up in new environments and around strange people. So normal for little ones.
Bruna ‘s last awesome post..summer girl by heart
I’m beginning to see that now, with everyone sharing their stories
I’m 37 yo and it still takes me time to warm up sometimes to new things. Just let him go at his own pace, he’ll appreciate it more too.
(stopping by from sits, glad I found you)
Melinda@LookWhatMomFoundandDadtoo! ‘s last awesome post..You Are….
Thank you Melinda, you’re absolutely right of course. I need to let him develop at his own pace.
(thank you for stopping by!)
You very nearly described me at that age. Over 45 years later and I still feel the same reluctance, the same caution.
The flip side? I was never one to make rash decisions and yet I am very decisive because I study situations and apply all that I learn from previous situations to each new challenge.
Like all things, the flaws and attributes of a character trait balance out. He will be a steady man whose judgement you can trust.
Trish in AZ ‘s last awesome post..They’re so Supportive!
Thank you Trish, for your comment. I certainly hope my boy will be the kind of man you describe
It’s such an irony, isn’t it–that we want our kids to “be their own person” and yet…we want them to conform: play when it’s time for gymboree, do the gymnastics, clap their hands with the other kids…It’s a tough line to walk, but your post hits it just right: we have to find a way to be proud of who they are, in exactly the way that they are.
deborah l quinn ‘s last awesome post..Monday Listicle: Class Reunion? should I stay or should I go?
It is a hard balance. I think it’s a parent’s instinct to want their children to ‘fit in’, so that it’s ‘easier’ for them – but who are we to say it’s harder to be their own person? The best way is to let them find their own path with our guidance.
Sometimes I feel like this too. I wonder why my child doesn’t do this or that. But then I remind myself that each kid is on his/her own time… It’s good to remind ourselves to not worry about conforming to what others their age are doing. To each his own. Right?
Janice ‘s last awesome post..Poetry Workshop: Inspired To Rhyme
Yes, absolutely!
Oh lord do I struggle with this. The oldest is/was annoyingly shy – and isn’t that even the worst way to say it?? He’s slowly gotten out of it and it makes me feel worse for not embracing him/it when it was happening. Good for you for recognizing who he is and not what you want him to be!
Jamie ‘s last awesome post..it’s official
It’s taken me a little while to see that it’s pointless to force Monkey into situations. I’ll still bring him to the gym class but I’m going to let him dictate the pace to which he wants to participate. It’s going to take a while, but I hope that eventually, he’ll find a place in that class (and in society) that fits him just right.
We walk a fine line as mothers… letting them be and letting them go HAS to be the toughest part!
Beautiful post, Alison!
Tonya ‘s last awesome post..If I Had Known…
It is a tough line, it gets blurry sometimes, doesn’t it?
And thank you!
This made me think of my reactions over the years with my own sons. Sometimes I was able to sit back and let them be and other times I was not (I wish I could take back a few). It’s difficult to know as a mom when we need to push our children to move forward or when we need to meet them where they are. This is a beautiful example of the tug-a-war we have inside ourselves and how sometimes loving them for who they are in that moment is what is best!
It is a constant tug-of-war, and I just have to keep reminding myself that I have to give him a chance first to be himself.
I anticipate that there will be more situations where this back and forth will happen.
Alison, I could have written this post when Lanagan was about 1 1/2. I would take him to Gymboree (toddler gym classes) and if he wasn’t doing the things that others were, I’d stress. And I mean STRESS. So much so that my husband was very close to having it where he was the one to take him. Then, just like monkey, when he found something that he liked, he was almost the leader of the pack. I guess sometimes we do have to sit back and just wait, watch and learn from these little ones.
Elena ‘s last awesome post..Ice Ice Baby! It’s Giveaway Friday.
We haven’t found our footing in the class yet. The 2nd one didn’t start well – he cried for the first 15 minutes! But he eventually relaxed a little, but we still did our own thing, only entering the circle in the last 10 minutes. Progress? Hard to say. We’ll just have to keep going and see how we go!