BlogHer ’12 is this weekend (if you’re not a blogger, you can skip this post!)
No, I’m not going.
Sigh. I love New York and I wish I could.
I wish I could go so I can meet all the lovely people I know online.
Then I thought, eeek, what if they don’t like the offline me?
Which got me to thinking about online and offline – about whether people are the same or different, if they have an online ‘persona’.
So I did the logical thing.
I went to Facebook and asked fellow bloggers whether they feel that their online/ offline personalities are different, and I got some interesting responses.
There’s the camp of bloggers who admit to being shyer and/ or more reserved in person.
Beth of Snaps of Our Life said, “I am more social online. I don’t have any friends in real life to hang out with, so I rely on Facebook, Twitter and my blog to have conversations.”
Sound familiar?
Laura of Mommy Miracles echoed her, saying that she engages “more with people through my blog and social media while I find it hard to do so in real life.”
Susan of Learned Happiness adds that she too, is more social and outgoing online, and reckons that “that’s how social media is set up”, to which I agree. Social media, be it blogging, Twitter or Facebook, make it easier for the shyer ones among us to speak up and speak out.
Cassandra of Our Foto Friendly Family chimes in, ”I think I’m more shy in person, which leads me to be a little more reserved online. But I am still me, everywhere I am. Since I started blogging, I think I have more friends online, than in real life. Odd, right?”
Um, not odd at all Cassandra. Not. At. All.
Then there are the bloggers who say, “What you see is what you get with me. If you meet me in real life and read my blog you will totally “know” me.” (Ashley of The Dose of Reality)
“In person I have poor social skills, tend to keep at least one foot in my mouth most of the time and often say things which people completely misunderstand. Insofar as I’m aware I’m pretty much the same person online.” Don Crowder, you may be socially awkward, but I like you!
And of course, there are some of us whose social media personalities allow us to be a little freer than in real life. As Kirsten of Running for Autism says, “The essence of who I am doesn’t change because I’m online. I have the same hopes and dreams, the same values, likes and dislikes. However, I express myself very differently online. I suffer from social anxiety, so in person I tend to keep me and my opinions to myself. I find my voice, my form of expression, in my writing. I feel more freedom to be myself, and I can my views more eloquently than I could ever manage in face to face conversation.”
Personally, I think I’m pretty much the same off and online – that is, the parts of my personality that I let you see. So whatever you think of me, that is only a facet of me. There are many things I don’t write about here, that I don’t share on Facebook, that I don’t tweet online. That does not make me a fraud though, it just means I’m giving you a more measured side of me. I like to think of it as showing you my best side, like in a photograph. You know, like this.
I was 29 years old in this picture. I still look like this. Ahem.
Kinda like Alma of Alma Boheme, “I am less poetic, less photogenic and I curse more in person. But I write my truth with prettier words, edited photos and omit some of my profanity.”
Me too, Alma, me too.
And, a little like Julie of mamamash (who says it much better and funnier than I just did), “I ramble just as much in person as I do online. I say y’all, and drop an occasional curse word. I am slightly more confident behind the written word, but that’s because I figure if you’re reading me and you don’t like me, you can just click away and I won’t know. But in person if you don’t like me, you’re probably not likely to tell me to eff off and instead will stare at me blankly which will cause me to start talking even more. And laugh my nervous laugh.”
Last but not least, to quote Rach of Life Ever Since (who says it much more succinctly than I ever would), “What you see is what you get here. I don’t have time to be anyone else.”
Well said, Rach, well said.
Thank you to all the bloggers for your comments. I’m sorry I couldn’t include everyone’s comment – this post was getting real long! I appreciate your input as always. Shout outs to: Jana, Karyn, Laverne, Tara, Paula, Kristin, Sili, Natalie, Courtney, Coreen, Stacy, Jamie, Accidentally By Design, Christine, Robin, Wrinkled Mommy, Sherry, AnnMarie, Teresa, Jennifer, Leighann, The Koala Bear Writer and Erin.
Are you different from your online persona?
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I’ve met a few bloggers IRL and I’d say that most of them seem more confident online that IRL. A lot of us are shy.
Thanks for including me!
Julie ‘s last awesome post..In these dark moments #iPPP
Your comment was awesomesauce, HAD to include it. You shy? You of the goodie drawer? Hmmm…
Thanks for the shout out.
Great post!
Deb ‘s last awesome post..All Things Girl
Sure thing! Sorry I couldn’t include your actual comment
What Julie said. Totally. I think the more uncomfortable I am, the more I talk uncontrollably.
I actually have a draft going right now called “If you ever meet me.” A lot of people are surprised to find out that I’m quite introverted, even though I can fake it pretty well during social situations.
Leigh Ann ‘s last awesome post..Summer 2012: The Sick-lympics
I just read your post! I think it’s a defense mechanism, the overtalking. Me, I get all sarcastic and tell inappropriate jokes. Awkward much?
Oh, I’m totally Alma I think. The whole less poetic, less photogenic, more profanity. Definitely me
To go to a BlogHer is kind of a personal bucket list item though. But, I feel like I’d be such a small fish. Like a minnow or something even smaller. In other words, I might feel….lost. That doesn’t stop me from being a little envious of all those going this year!
Sarah @sundayspill ‘s last awesome post..the sunday spill–out of the river and into the moment
I’m tiny so going to BlogHer, just the biggest blogging conference on the planet will just render me inconspicuous. Which is kinda my style. Heh. Wanna date for BlogHer ’13?
I am pretty shy IRL, but no matter what, I try to be real in both worlds. Why oh why can’t my blogging friends live closer????
Rach (DonutsMama) ‘s last awesome post..Monday Listicles: La La La I Can’t Hear You!
I ask myself that every day!
Twitter: ksluiter
says:
I am the same person, I think. It’s easier if I meet people slowly, but at BlogHer…well, let’s just say EVERYTHING is just more IN YOUR FACE AND HAPPENING ALL AT THE SAME TIME, so I think, unless you have done the huge conference thing a bazillion times, no one is exactly herself right off the bat. It’s just too overwhelming. You feel so tiny.
But after stepping back from the BIG picture of the conference, and looking at what was right in front of me? I would say I am pretty much the same.
Katie ‘s last awesome post..The Great Pretender
I worked for Nike in PR and traveled with journalists to global junkets so I’m used to being in huge conference like environments where I have no choice but to mingle and talk and face with all the crap that’s in my face all at the same time.
BUT, if faced with BlogHer, totally different reason to be there, I’d probably shrink into myself and walk around inconspicuously. Still, will be totally myself too. Heh.
So I’ll be the odd (wo)man out: I’m a bigger personality “live” than I am online. There’s something about putting my words out there for the whole world to see that makes me somewhat guarded. I’m not anonymous by any means, and I never know who is reading my posts…old colleagues, former students, my pastor…so I tend to write in a more “Rated G” style.
In person? When I can look my “audience” in the eye? Where it’s a real conversation and not just a one-sided offering? *That’s* where it’s at…for me, anyway.
Sue ‘s last awesome post..Top 10 Played-Out Summer Radio Anthems
Well, I wanna meet you!!
girl i live in nyc and i’m not going to blogher. lol
and if you meet me and i don’t say “bloody” once, it’s an imposter. Run!
vanita ‘s last awesome post..Tuesday’s Tear Sheet: WordPress Shop Design + SEO Disasters
*snort* I know I’ll love you IRL.
I tend to be more relaxed in person. I am cautious as to what I put into words sometimes. I always think about who will be reading it either today, tomorrow or years from now. In person, I let out a lot more about how I feel about things.
I don’t think you should ever worry about anyone like you in person. You come across like the best friend everyone wants. You are supportive, you are funny and you are always honest in your posts.
Kristen ‘s last awesome post..Social Media Dreams
Aw, thanks Kristen! I think I have a bit more of a filter online. Obviously as I have more time to think of my words. But I’m still pretty measured in real life, more so now than when I was younger.
Curse more offline? Pfft. Not me. I’m a perfect angel.
HAHAHAHA!
Kimberly ‘s last awesome post..Time For A Change
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Same here with being more shy IRL. I’d like to think that I am the same on and offline when it comes to the person inside of me. Like you, there are some things I don’t talk about online. But all in all… this is me!!!
Susi ‘s last awesome post..Ready, Set… Jump {Wordless Wednesday}
It’s always good to be true to yourself!
I wish I was going to NY too.
Frankly, I’m guessing you are quite lovely offline
Kristi ‘s last awesome post..The Lotion That No One Would Ever Buy
Aw, thanks Kristi.
I am very introverted and quite shy IRL. I’m kind of a cry and hide in the bathroom girl wishing that I had stashed a pack of cigs for the occasion. Oh wait, was this question about now or about when I was 16?
tracy@sellabitmum ‘s last awesome post..Attention Shoppers
*snort* I know I’ll love the real life you as much, if not more than I do the online you.
Twitter: tatterscoops
says:
Awesome post, Alison! You sums it up beautifully. I’m a tad bit more reserved in real life but I am kinda crazy with my close friends and family
Maureen | Tatter Scoops ‘s last awesome post..Friends Who Workout Together, Party Together
Lucky friends and family!
Thanks for the shout out! I am in the camp of “what you see is what you get” but then after reading some of these, I might agree that I am more free with my words in person. I have already admitted to being incapable of small talk and I like being able to feed off of the person I am talking to. There is nothing like laughing with a friend about what you are talking about but I agree with Julie that when I am writing, I figure if people don’t like what I am saying, they can just stop reading. I guess I am a mixed bag.
AnnMarie ‘s last awesome post..A Toddler Rant
That you are, AnnMarie
Wow, I’m honored . . . thanks for the shout out!
Great post, by the way, as usual
Erin ‘s last awesome post..Stupid Swimming Lessons Update
You’re welcome! I’m only sorry I couldn’t include your comment too.
This is great! I think I am just like Alma too
That is a beautiful photo of you xo
Stasha ‘s last awesome post..Wordless Wednesday
I can’t imagine YOU swearing
Twitter: AccidentalDesig
says:
Ha, I forgot about answering that. I like what Don said.
I will have to go back and look at what I said. I think I am freer online.
IRL, there are too many disapproving looks. No one really likes poetry.
Maggie S. ‘s last awesome post..What’s Wrong With The World?
Hah yes, disapproving looks indeed.
Twitter: copilotmom
says:
I am still discovering my online persona, such as it is. I am learning that I am a little more outgoing online – I mean, I could never just inject my opinion into a conversation with people I have never met IRL. I tend to be a little shy when I first meet people but, like Maureen, once I know you well I feel like I can let the zany out.
Co-Pilot Mom ‘s last awesome post..Time’s Passenger
That’s interesting, discovering your online persona. I think over the 16 months that I’ve been blogging, I’ve definitely evolved so to speak. I didn’t even show my face in the beginning, and I think I was trying too hard with my writing. Once I decided to be more me (as in real life me), things just fell into place.
I like Alma’s response – that’s pretty much me to a T.
Kristin @ What She Said ‘s last awesome post..5 Tips for Surviving Flu Season with a Kid in Daycare
Yes, I thought the same when I read it!
I’m more myself online than in person!
Blond Duck ‘s last awesome post..Wings 37
That’s awesome!
The online – me is very similar to the real life me. Real life me might be bit more polite, but not much.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes ‘s last awesome post..Wordfull wednesday: growing up
Haha! I like you regardless.
Twitter: ashleytaylor76
says:
Thank you so much for including me! I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars, “You Like Me, You Really, Really Like Me!”
Honestly, though I am really the same. I talk way too much in person…and I am sure many would say online, too! I am very candid in my opinions, but I don’t want to sound like I am rude, because I care very much about validating people for the way they are feeling. This is a great post, and I really enjoyed reading the different perspectives.
thedoseofreality ‘s last awesome post..Olympic Fever
Thank you for contributing to the discussion!! I am also rather straightforward, but careful not to appear rude, which is easier online since I have time to think before I type! Glad you like the post!
Great post Alison…and yes you still look like that….gorgeous! I think you put it best when you showing us your best side. I think that’s what we all try to do. I’m not going either my friend
Natalie ‘s last awesome post..Finally the Moment You’ve Been Waiting For!
Aw you’re sweet! You’re not going to BlogHer BECAUSE YOU’RE HAVING A BABY ANY DAY NOW!! Exciting!
Alison, I think we need to agree to meet somehow and answer for each other…how much are we like our online selves? I completely agree that I try to show ‘my best side’ on my blog. Which can include telling things that reflect badly, b/c sometimes it’s best to admit a failure and move on LOL. I swear like a sailor in person if I don’t think it will offend you, and yes, I think I am bigger and far more irritating IRL. At least on my blog a person can choose to limit how much of ME they take at a time. My Farmer says that I am “a lot of person.” xo I loved this post.
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..What Works Wednesday
I love that, a lot of person. I think I’ll love you when (and yes, when, not if) I meet you.
Love that you wrote this. Social media really has become a huge support for me.
Leighann ‘s last awesome post..WTF Wednesday – Customer Service Y’all
Thank you Leighann, I’m glad you’ve found the support and friendship you need.
Twitter: krrobi
says:
–First off, I must say: YOU ARE GOoooRGEOUS.–
I am the same person outside of the social media. …& I have talked w/ a few bloggers- and they are exsactly what I expected! Thank goodness, because I was VERY nervous that they wouldn’t be…
And I would have ‘seriously’ been disappointed. You know?
Xxx Love.
My Inner Chick ‘s last awesome post..11 Things I’ve Learned After Your Execution
Thank you my friend!
And I know you’ll be exactly as I picture you, because I know you write from your heart and soul, and if I ever have the privilege of meeting you, I know I won’t be disappointed.
I’m good one on one in real person and will say what I think, but I not as witty in real life. I tend to say my joke a beat too late.
Great post idea Alison!
Sandra ‘s last awesome post..Let’s start a different revolution!
I’ll be too busy staring at your hot bod to catch on that you’re not as witty as your blog (which I don’t believe is true anyway).
Oh and that just sounded very stalker-ish and creepy of me, yes? Oops.
I’m less drunk in real life. Which makes me less fun. Just ask my kids.
m.
Mark ‘s last awesome post..The "good" living room
I don’t believe you! The less fun part, not the less drunk part.
I’m the same online and offline…I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a very hard time hiding my emotions. Anyone that looks at me knows exactly how I’m feeling, and that’s OK. I wouldn’t want to be different online, because I’d just get confused
Also, Don Crowder’s comment made me laugh!!
Runnermom-jen ‘s last awesome post..You…
He made me laugh too!! And I imagine you are exactly as your online personality. Always smiling, always genuine and fit!
I’m different and the same, which doesn’t make sense. It might just take a little longer to “see” me IRL.
angela ‘s last awesome post..Running the Bases
I think it’s because your writing style is very writerly? If you know what I mean? I can see your personality, what you share of it, and it’s woven all into your words. So it takes a little knowing. Not a bad thing, trust me.
Twitter: happymomsusan
says:
You know the snappy comebacks you think of AFTER the other person walks away? Those are the ones that make my blog. I’m the same person on and off-line. But when I have time to think and type, it’s a more amped up version of who I am in real life.
susan ‘s last awesome post..Warning! Don’t Try This at Home – Social Media Blunders
Oh man, do I have a lot of those awesome comebacks that are a beat too late! So yes, I know what you mean
I am pretty much the same person online as I am offline. Does this mean I share all of myself online? No way! I think some filter is necessary in blogging because we are limited, in a sense, by this medium. We can explain our selves but the rest is up for interpretation, an interpretation that may or not be what we are really trying to say. Does this make sense? Or, is it all just gobbly goop? Hmm. I’m assuming the latter, so I’ll stop here. lol.
I love that picture of you!
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Forget about taking the perfect picture (for now)
I know what you mean! Which is why there are some topics I won’t go to, because the ‘wrong’ interpretation may see me dealing with backlash and I want my blog to be a happy space – for my readers and I.
And thank you!
Twitter: akajanie
says:
I guess I’m in the minority – I’m much incredibly open offline, and much more reserved online. Knowing how public my blog is makes me reconsider some things that I put there. I’m working on it though, because I believe that people want to read the *REAL*.
I know I do anyway.
Tricia ‘s last awesome post..Wordless Wednesday
You’re right, people like the real you when you’re blogging. Still, it doesn’t mean you have to put it all out there – I certainly don’t. I think the sincerity comes from the writing and they way you put yourself out there on Twitter, Facebook etc. It’s a work-in-progress for most of us.
Twitter: LauraORourke
says:
Great post! No matter what, I think most of us are the same person, both online and off. But there are different sides of us that is illuminated in different settings. I may be way more open about the more private parts of my life with my good “real life” friends, but much more quick to give my opinion about something online. My friends may know me as one person, and my online-friends might picture me as someone different, but I think all in all, if you met me tomorrow, I’d be the same person, just ten pounds heavier and a little shyer. Once we got talking though, we would be fast friends!
Laura @ Mommy Miracles ‘s last awesome post..A Lot
I do believe we WILL be fast friends when we meet some day.
I think a lot of us are shy and perhps that is what draws us to blogging. Thanks for the shout out!
Just Jennifer ‘s last awesome post..It’s My SITS Day!
You’re right, and I think the great thing is, blogging makes us less shy in real life. You know, like attending blog conferences etc, it makes us confront that shy self and put ourselves out there. And you’re welcome!
Twitter: recanddec
says:
what you “read” is what you get !! I try to stay as authentic as possible!
I would love to go to the conference! Maybe next time!
You’re on the right track to blogging greatness then – authenticity is so key!
I have to say I’m very shy IRL. I’m more chatty and probably come across as way more confident and sorted online than I really am. Not that I’ve created a fake personna, just that I tend to put my best foot forward.
You look really pretty in your pic!
Dropping by from SITS; lovely blog!
Modern Gypsy ‘s last awesome post..Summer, oh, how I hate you summer!
Yes, best foot forward, exactly! And there’s nothing wrong in that. I do find however, that the longer one is on social media (whether it’s blogging or Twitter etc), we tend to come out of a shell a little more when we realize that it’s okay to be less sorted sometimes.
And thank you for your kind compliment and for stopping by!
I dare say I am wittier virtually than in person. More time to think about something super witty to say when you are typing rather than in the moment I guess. Still, I like to think of my online personality as my “alter-ego”
It is great to hear that most bloggers out there do have a similar take on who they are on their blog vs in person. Either way it is SO fun to connect with people and deep down I feel like they know the real me anyway wit and all
Yes, having more time to think before you type is advantageous!
Twitter: NinaBadzin
says:
Okay, bizarre coincidence . . . I was seriously JUST thinking that my decisive tone on the blog is spreading a bit TOO much into my in-person persona, which requires a bit more softness around the edges than I present on the blog, at least if you don’t want to offend your friends too often.
Nina ‘s last awesome post..My Road to Clean Eating
Haha, oops. I find that the real offline me is spilling into social media more so now than say, a year ago when I was new to blogging and was careful not to offend people online. I mean, I’ve already offended so many offline, I could deal with that, but I really wanted people to like me virtually!
Twitter: Asianmommy
says:
I agree that I’m the same person online & off, but I’m much more careful about what I say online, which can never be erased!
Asianmommy ‘s last awesome post..Olivia Munn on The Newsroom
You’re right! Though in real life, what is said can’t be unsaid either, especially since some people have elephant memories
I’m going to the SITS conference in Dallas and am so nervous…
Blond Duck ‘s last awesome post..Ode to Tomatoes (and How I Love Thee)
I’m sure you’ll rock it, you’re so vibrant!
One of the greatest compliments I can receive is for you to tell me that I am exactly the same IRL as I am on my blog. It’s so disappointing when it’s not that way. I understand people maybe being a bit quieter/shy IRL, but at the core, I want the person I read. That’s who I’ve fallen in love with.
Great post.
Tonya ‘s last awesome post..My Best Side
Yes, I agree with you! I do worry about meeting people in real life though. Even Skyping. Because I don’t want to disappoint people.
My favorite part of this post is when you suggest that not sharing EVERYTHING about you on the blog doesn’t make you less authentic or real…
I don’t think we can (or should) share it all…to everyone. We have to pick and choose not only for our own sake but for the sake of others.
What I do choose to put out there is 100% real.
It’s just only one part of my story, you know?
Which is why I feel a great need to go see you and know you more because you know, girl crush. xo
p.s. I’m BlogHerLess here in California. Consider me commiserating.
julie gardner ‘s last awesome post..Today call me chaotic…
I’m kinda glad because I would be jealous of people who get to meet you. Heh.
Thanks for including me Alison! So love when someone credits you for being honest in something I wrote in 5 seconds.(especially form someone I admire) I love it and flattered. I relate to a lot of the other comments too. You have so many lovely people here following you. I love reading their comments. Don’t know them but I imagine us sitting in a large round table… shooting nonsense out our mouths… laughing.
**Can you tell I was at a dinner party tonight ? Yes wine was involved.
Alma ‘s last awesome post..Stop and Spin
Your comment was awesome – see how many people in the comments say, yes, what Alma said? And thank you, I do have a lovely readership here, or rather as I like to call them, friends. It would be grand and fun to sit around and shoot the breeze!! (wine is always welcome)
Twitter: justalittletart
says:
This is a great post that made me stop and think, “If I’m really me on my blog, then why have I only shared it with a few IRL friends??”
I do hope that the gap between real me and blogging me is small!
annie ‘s last awesome post..Travel Olympics.
Annie, I’m the same. I’m actually fairly uncomfortable when I realize my real life friends read my blog (they never comment though). I guess it’s because they know the real me, and though I’m not ‘fake’ on my blog, I do show my good side. So, I’m imagining them snickering on their side of the computer, saying, hah, I know you better.
I’m pretty much what you see is what you get. My husband says I need to try a little harder to hide the crazy but it just won’t be hidden!
‘s last awesome post..How To Make a Realistic To Do List
Hey, people want the real you on the blog, so hide nothing!
Twitter: euregirlsandboy
says:
I find online social interaction to be easier than real life in some ways – at least with new people. But I have the same problem I have in real life in some ways – there seem to be established groups and I have trouble with feeling like I’m butting in. So I tend to stay on the sidelines like in real life.
Katie E ‘s last awesome post..Summer Girls
I do think some aspects of online life is very like offline life – and what you’re talking about, me too, me too.
The bloggers I have hung out with in person have said that I’m the same online and offline.
Who knows what the bloggers I met briefly think. I think I’m the same assy person to everyone.
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Essence Of Now: Into The Wild
We love the assy you.
Twitter: southmainmuse
says:
This was a real interesting read. I guess as far as blogging goes — pretty much what you see is what you get. When I was writing my column each week, I spent a lot of time on those 500 words. There was a lot more drama in this mama. Maybe if I wrote more blog posts with the time and effort of a column, I would be more heightened. And frankly more interesting. Ha.
Jamie@SouthMainMuse ‘s last awesome post..My daughter the peas-maker in our home.
Hee! I find that if I don’t labor over my writing, I come across as being more me.
I love the phrase a “more measured version of me.” How else could it possibly be?
P.S. I like you .
Galit Breen ‘s last awesome post..Big Love, Small Steps
Hee! When we meet one day, you’ll think, oh my, there’s a lot of her, more so than her blog!
PS: I like you more.
Really interesting conversation!
Like others have said, I’m me everywhere I am.
I used to think I was shy in person, until lots of people said they thought the opposite and I believed them!
I’m just as sappy/crazy/real in real life. It’s just that real life has the volume turned up!
Lorna
Lorna ‘s last awesome post..Orchids And Violets
I love that – real life has the volume turned up!