Want to be Internet famous?
Want to be talked about by people on Twitter?
Want to have your stuff shared on Facebook?
Want to have so much traffic to your blog/ website that it crashes?
Want to generate so many comments, you give up trying to read them all?
Easy. Just do one or all of the following.
1. Write about *breastfeeding versus formula feeding. Don’t worry about writing intelligently, or with facts to back up your statements. Bonus: write like you’re a cold-hearted, snobbish bitch.
2. Write about leaving your newborn behind so you can *go swan around in Mexico. Bonus: write like you are a cold-hearted, snobbish bitch.
3. Write any drivel to fuel the so-called Mommy Wars. Take your pick – sleep training, attachment parenting, blah blah blah.
4. Post a video of your child doing something stupid/ shocking. The more it shows off your terrible parenting skills, the better.
5. Criticize someone else’s parenting decisions. Don’t back up your blanket statements with facts. Or do, by referencing some vague study and interpret the results any way you see fit and be blatantly wrong anyway.
OR. You could do these things instead.
1. Be super duper awesome with a great sense of humor and disarming honesty, and always write like YOU.
2. Have really mad drawing skills and the ability to tell a good story.
3. Write any post about blogging and how to make money from it.
4. Write any post about blogging about how to improve your blog, or ask why people don’t comment anymore, or about how blogging has saved your life.
5. Write a post list of ‘How To <fill in blank>.
Voila!
Thank me later.
(This post was partly inspired by a tweet by Julie (@TheMamaMash) and the conversation that followed it.
Julie tweeted: I’m all for being realistic about parenting, but it seems like some blogs are getting dangerously close to glorifying truly shitty parents.” (yeah I couldn’t figure out how to cut and paste the actual tweet, stupid Mac).
* I appreciate the irony of giving you links to such drivel, to drive even more traffic to what I consider to be badly written, terribly judgmental posts. But, you’ll ask anyway, so this saves me emailing it to you later. I’m all about efficiency. Also? Read the comments on the posts. They’re BETTER than the original post.
** Before I get angry comments, note that this post was written with a heavy dose of sarcasm.
Any more tips on how to get your blog to go viral?
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Argh, you linked to that twit? Alison!
Also, WTF has happened to Allie Brosh? I miss her something spectacular.
Julie ‘s last awesome post..The case for a daughter
Haha, yes, yes, I did. I’m just proving my theory right.
Well, no, I know people will want to know who/ what I’m talking about, and that I’m not just pulling this out of my ass (or worse, that I’m bitter/ jealous/ whatever). Love me long time, still?
I miss Allie Brosch. I hope she’s okay and still planning on writing her book.
I think Allie is writing a book? At least that was the last I heard…
Kristin @ What She Said ‘s last awesome post..The Official Thomas and Friends Drinking Game
But she had gotten into a really deep depression right after that announcement.
I hope she works through everything ok. She’s brilliant.
Julie ‘s last awesome post..The case for a daughter
Oh no! I much prefer your the second set of ways to get traffic to your blog. Actually, I know I could get more traffic by being provocative, but I think I’ll just “settle” for the few that I get, knowing that people come back b/c they like me and what I write.
Rach (DonutsMama) ‘s last awesome post..So How’d You Meet: Tonya & Todd
Heh. I am not even going into provocative areas. Too chickenshit to deal with the fallout.
Twitter: kerstinauer
says:
I saw your conversation on Twitter last night, but I was too busy with trying to come up with ways to make my blog go viral, so I could not join in. Hee hee, just kidding
Being viral is way too much work and it does not sound very healthy either
Kerstin ‘s last awesome post..The Archives
Right? Unless one is just insanely talented (like The Bloggess), it’s too much work, isn’t it?
I wrote a post once about blogging and how to make money from it. It was part of a virtual round table discussion about blogging and how to make money from it. I’m pretty sure everyone who participated in it is still waiting to go viral.
Otherwise, completely agree with you. And now I’m off to read (and laugh at) the cold-hearted, snobbish bitch.
Kristin @ What She Said ‘s last awesome post..The Official Thomas and Friends Drinking Game
Do tell me your thoughts. Nothing I like better than bashing bad writers. (ooh bad Alison)
OK, here’ s what I think: She’s either A.) a made-up persona, or B. a complete attention whore.
One thing I can confirm, however, is that she’s a terrible writer.
Kristin @ What She Said ‘s last awesome post..The Official Thomas and Friends Drinking Game
I did think she might be made up too! Or if she’s not, then definitely B AND a terrible writer. How do these people get paid to do this????
Funny – I was just trying to remember her name the other day. Kind of reassuring to know she’s just as big a narcissistic twit as ever – some things are constant. I’ve given up on going viral. I’m going to try going bacterial. May I lick you?
*snort* Here, lick away.
Twitter: CourtneyKirklnd
says:
You forgot marry a Multi-Million Dollar Ranch Owner and spend your days talking about/writing about food.
Courtney Kirkland ‘s last awesome post..Motherhood Robbed me of my Social Skills
Haha! Yes, that too!!
I hadn’t read those posts yet and I’m kinda glad I missed them. I don’t understand why people have to use that tone… it’s just not inviting! Thanks for your tips!!! I’ll stick to being myself and being nice to people!
You do that!
Twitter: awriterelief
says:
I absolutely agree and am so thankful you’ve written about it! I sometimes read blogs and think I must be the snob because I find the content so obviously “N OT” good parenting. I’m definitely sticking to your latter suggestions for getting my blog known, much more MY style. Have a great day!
A Write Relief ‘s last awesome post..Postnatal Depression: Couples therapy feedback… Is this good or bad?
No, we’re not the snobs
You have a great day too!
This post had me laughing. I am now going to have to go and brush up on how to be a snobbish bitch!
Barbara ‘s last awesome post..WTF Wednesday – Canine edition
It’d be very difficult for naturally nice people like you!
I’m off to read those posts now, but just guessing about their content, you’re right. Those posts go viral every time. It’s annoying.
Totally annoying. What irks me is, these people get paid to write crap!
I agree with you Alison. There are some sites I won’t read anymore because I think they post controversal things just to generate comments, even though those comments might be from hateful trolls. I also agree that I stay away from controversy just because I am too soft-hearted to deal with haters, too. I think we’re all in this blogging thing, this mama thing and this woman thing together so why alienate each other?
Kathy at kissing the frog ‘s last awesome post..Ummm…Now What?
Twitter: ashleytaylor76
says:
God, I love this post!! Mostly because I LOVED our conversation on Twitter and because I especially loved her ridiculous posts and the even better comments that followed. And probably because I am really well-rested from the having my night nurse…I mean sure my youngest child is 4 now, but you just never know when a kid might wake up and need something, so better safe than sorry, right?
Meanwhile, I am trying my own version of “going viral” today on my blog and that is by sharing the writing of GOOD writers!
thedoseofreality ‘s last awesome post..Sharing Is Caring, Right?
Thank you for your wonderful and thoughtful sharing is caring post!!
I just love how Twitter conversations spawn posts. Heh.
I hope people can figure out that was sarcastic.
Sigh. Such a hard uneventuful life being nice.
Lady Jennie ‘s last awesome post..A Sunset Near Bordeaux
Jennie, if they can’t figure it out, they are at the wrong blog
And I know right? Being a bitch is so much more fun (more sarcasm).
omg i died laughing here. also? click on the tweet Details link, it will take you to just the tweet and there’s a link that says Embed this Tweet it will give you the code to add to your post. not trying to be a smart ass, but i saw people doing it and not sharing how and it took me a while to figure out. my one tip would be…oh wait, i don’t know how. LOL
Vanita ‘s last awesome post..Why I Want to Teach Moms SEO
Thanks for the tip!! I knew how to do it before but apparently, I’ve been rendered senseless from having a baby, because once I read this, I was like, I knew that! DUH.
I’m with you and julie. I am all for funny and honest and raw and real. I don’t like the glorifying shitty parenting or bitchy attitudes either. P.s. I was sooo curious who were talking about, so I had to click :/ icheers to taking the higher ground!
sarah @sundayspill ‘s last awesome post..the sunday spill–barbies, princesses, and pink pink pink
Exactly. One just needs to be funny, honest, raw and real. Some people *cough twit Eckler cough* just doesn’t get that. Unless she’s made up and not real.
Haha, the sarcasm, I had to wipe it of my screen before I could read the post!
What can I say. Being a blogger makes me proud, not only because of my blog but also because of all the great stuff other bloggers are producing every day. But you know, there will always be those who will try to bring it down. It’s a shame.
Mirjam ‘s last awesome post..Hope
It is, and the worse thing is, they are totally unapologetic. So there’s that.
Twitter: tatterscoops
says:
LMAO! I love your sarcasm, woman! Off to read the links now.
Maureen ‘s last awesome post..These Numbers Don’t Lie – Burn Phase Completed
See how I’m sending traffic to them and proving my theory right?
Twitter: euregirlsandboy
says:
Ugh. That woman’s the worst. Love the post, Alison!
Katie E ‘s last awesome post..After Bedtime
Thanks Katie!
So basically we just have to be a complete asshat. Awesome.
Kimberly ‘s last awesome post..Essence Of Now
Hah! Yes, exactly (not).
Twitter: Thefamilypants
says:
Went off to read those links. My blood pressure is up now. Thanks for that
List one #5 is just infuriating! lol You were totally in my head on this post.
Mama Pants ‘s last awesome post..Sunday’s Pearl
Hah, oops for getting you all riled up
And #5 on list one is totally what happened. I didn’t want to link to that post because it’s on BlogHer and I run their ads, so I didn’t want them to think I was bashing them. Ahem.
OMG…. I knew that I was doing something wrong all these years! Thank you for the awesome tips! I shall call you my hero now! LOL!
Jackie ‘s last awesome post..On being a parent
Haha! You’re er, welcome, Jackie. Who knew, that just being an asshat could get you so far?
Twitter: KalleyC
says:
Now I need to go ahead and read those posts that you link. *Sigh* the downside of a curious mind. I think I’ll go with the second list on how to go viral than the first one. Just a hunch
KalleyC ‘s last awesome post..Recipe: Green Beans and Chicken in Black Bean Garlic Sauce
Heh. Sorry for sending you to waste your time on drivel. But it needs to be read just for the terrible writing. And yes, the next 5 tips are better
I think this post went viral. Good job
I’m afraid to click those links….
Carolyn ‘s last awesome post..Make Your Own Wrap Bracelets
Hah! Yay my theory worked
Great post Allison. I love your sarcasm.
Kyla@Mommy’s Weird ‘s last awesome post..Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate The Park…
Thank you, Kyla.
Wait, what? We are supposed to be wanting traffic to our blog posts? Shit. I’ve doing this wrong the whole time.
Jessica ‘s last awesome post..Essence Of Now: Home {Pants Optional}
Right?? Time to stir some shit up!
My husband is fixed… So I’m gonna have to find some random stranger’s baby to leave while I flit around Mexico. Also, can I just go to New Mexico instead?
Kim ‘s last awesome post..One Good Hangover Deserves Another…
Haha!! Best comment ever.
Twitter: ksluiter
says:
Those posts fricking made the morning talk shows and Inside Edition. SO STUPID. Horrible writing all over the place from form to vocabulary to structure to content. BAD BAD BAD.
Also, I wrote about blogging stuff AND about formula feeding. None of my shit has gone viral. I call shanenigans on your theory, yo.
Either that or the key is just to write defensively and poorly. Maybe that was my issue; I wrote my posts well.
DAMN IT! There go my millions.
Katie ‘s last awesome post..taking care of me FOR me
See, exactly. You have to be a bitch and a bad writer. You’re neither, so…….
I did not see these posts but my God, they are awful! I much prefer the second set!
Aren’t they?? Tsk tsk. Pshht.
Needed this chuckle tonight.
Good Lawd, I will never be famous ….
By Word of Mouth Musings ‘s last awesome post..Write your story, from beginning to end.
But you already are, Nicole!
Twitter: Lollygagblog
says:
I was just about to repost and tweet this…and then it hit me that THAT WOULD BE IRONY! Or “meta.” I can’t remember which.
Either way, hilarity would abound.
Keely ‘s last awesome post..Too Busy For Hygiene.
Hee! Hilarity abounds daily in my world. It usually involves poop though.
Twitter: fiercedivablog
says:
I will have to stop glorifying my “truly shitty parenting.” I am being sarcastic…Maybe not so much.
ilene ‘s last awesome post..Six Months of Fierce
Eh, you’re not shitty or glorifying it
Twitter: FamRamblings
says:
This post made my morning! Maybe I should try criticizing some parents to get my blog some attention. Seriously though, I couldn’t help but chuckle at your first set of tips you had posted about. I don’t really have any advice on making your blog go viral considering I can’t get my own to go viral, so I’m really the last person you should ask, haha.
Felicia ‘s last awesome post..10 Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life
I think your last post might go viral – 10 ways/ list posts usually get around. And yours is about sex!
It looks like I need to add the words How to… at the beginning of my posts. I just need to decide how to do write one and what to write about it.
JDaniel4′s Mom ‘s last awesome post..Taking Time to Play- Rainy Day Mum
I think if you write ’10 ways to…..” or simliar, you’ve it it on the head
Twitter: Inside_Out_Tomz
says:
LOL LOL LOL …. that’s all I have to say. … I shall take these tips and go forth and be awesome!
Yes, you go do that!
Twitter: krrobi
says:
I have noticed that people who write about making “money from blogging” are VIRAL Monsters!
btw, I think the word “BREAST” goes viral every single time.
For my next blog, perhaps I’ll name it “”BIG BREASTS.”" I bet I get LOTSA hits. Haaaa
Luv to you, Mama.
My Inner Chick ‘s last awesome post..FLIRTING WITH ANTONIO
Hee hee!! YES, do that! If anyone can make a post titled Big Breasts interesting, that’d be you, and I mean that as a compliment!
Twitter: carrielindsey
says:
I love this. And it’s so true…how many times have I clicked on a link to some controversial breastfeeding post only to think , “WHY DID I even try to READ that drivel??”
Carrie ‘s last awesome post..The Beginning of Fall, Texas-Style
Right?? So infuriating.
Thanks for the laughs. To be honest I know who they are but I purposely do not follow these “popular” blogs. You are a rock star in my mind.
Alma ‘s last awesome post..Caracol
Aw thanks Alma! I don’t follow the ‘big’ ‘popular’ blogs either. More often than not, it’s just bad writing dressed in some sort of bling.
Twitter: laurenweber84
says:
Super entertaining. Great work! And you’re right. I see how that Mexico one went viral because it kinda pisses me off. But, alas, I am *trying* not to pass judgement
Mrs. Weber ‘s last awesome post..Letter to My Second Daughter: The First Weeks
Thanks Lauren! I don’t judge her choices – I just judge her terrible writing
Twitter: NinaBadzin
says:
This totally made me laugh! My first blog post EVER was before I even had a blog. I wrote a guest post for Scary Mommy early in her “society” days. We’re friends from college and she was generous to give me a taste of blogging before I even had my own. Anyway, I wrote a “letter to my mother” apologizing for what a “know it all” I was after my first baby. I wrote it after baby #3 and I said things like, “You’re right, I don’t have to make my own food, etc.” I also made a comment about how she was right that formula wouldn’t destroy the babies. (I’d nursed #1 and #2 for much longer than #3 . . . and #4.) Anyway, that comment got SO much discussion going . . . a few people were nasty, most others were defending me. And you know–I was HOOKED on blogging. Though of course I NEVER got that volume of comments on my own blog.
This was all two years ago. Fresh as today. Great post!
Nina ‘s last awesome post..What I’m Loving Now: End of Summer Edition
Well, now I gotta go and look for your post! So I am right – write anything about motherhood and all the people come out to play.
And thank you!
so what did I miss?
Not a Perfect Mom ‘s last awesome post..Naked Potatoes
Haha! Only how awesome I am.
I wonder what would happen if you wrote a post that included:
Chick-fil-A
Republican
Democrat
Tim Tebow
If you use those words, it really doesn’t matter what other words you use, I’ve found!
Eli@coachdaddyblog ‘s last awesome post..Dad in the kitchen? Here’s 3 recipes even you can’t botch
Um, a Republican and a Democrat walks into a Chick-A-Fil and starts debating gay rights. A fight ensues. Tim Tebow walks in, Tebows and all is well.
How will that do?
Thing is, I think that really happened! Then he said something inflammatory to the mommy wars. That’s when I walked out.
Much easier at McDonald’s.
Eli@coachdaddy ‘s last awesome post..5 for Friday: TV dudes and women who shaped my childhood years
Twitter: themommymess
says:
This is so funny!!! I want to go viral, so maybe I will have to follow some of this advice. Great job, Alison! SO clever!
Adrienne ‘s last awesome post..The Five Year Panic
Heh, thanks Adrienne! Just rile someone up (or be so profound) and you’ll go viral, good luck!
I love the sarcasm. Don’t forget to include the emotionally charged topic of potty training or how to be a super mom.
‘s last awesome post..Essence of Now
Oh yes, POTTY TRAINING!! I may have a post in the making for that when I start potty training the toddler! (ack hold me)
Twitter: _catchinglight
says:
Great post! I like your tips. I just clicked through to the Bloggess–thanks for that link! I, too, recently went public with my struggles with depression, so I’ll look forward to reading more about Kat…and I’ll also look forward to coming back here for more of your posts!!
If you care to read my post in which I speak about my own challenges and (mostly) overcoming them, it’s called: “Let it Shine. (OR: The Post in which I Tell my Fears to F— Off.”)
http://www.catchingthelightblog.com/let-it-shine.
Hope you’re having a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!!
With light,
Bethany
Bethany ‘s last awesome post..Our Chances of Grammy Nomination: HIGH.
Thanks for stopping by Bethany! Loved your post, it was very courageous of you to talk about what many view as a ‘scary’ topic. I hope blogging has given you your light back
Have a lovely long weekend.
BOOM! I saw mentions of those posts but hadn’t read them. But considering I’ve got the house to myself this morning I may just go do that…
Robin | Farewell, Stranger ‘s last awesome post..Grace in Small Things: #7
Did you? Read them? If so, were you similarly outraged or meh?
I did read them. I thought the vacation one was a bit stupid and clearly self-indulgent, but I wasn’t outraged like some people. I think it does speak to her whole approach to parenting.
The one about not breastfeeding though – that was just brutal.
But I do agree with what one person said – she’s obviously just privileged and has no other perspective. And yes, they are totally letting her keep writing because she gets attention.
I’m more offended that someone who can’t write at all is allowed to have a voice in a forum like that.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger ‘s last awesome post..Grace in Small Things: #7
I agree – it’s actually the terrible writing that irked me the most!
Funny I missed each and every one of these. Oops.
Tonya ‘s last awesome post..Class Of 2026
Eh, you’re super awesome so I don’t think you missed that point
Nope. No tips here. Sarcasm noted.
Galit Breen ‘s last awesome post..Mother Daughter Journals
I know you’d totally get me